Let me take you on a house tour.

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From May 2014


House porn. I have big appreciation of house porn but am useless at implementing it. So in the interests of all things authentic, I thought I would take you on a little tour of Alantown, now that we have been living here for a little over a year, and share with you some common sites that you might encounter, should you ever pop in for a cuppa.

This is called the DUMPING GROUND.

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I originally had this in mind for the kids to be sitting at each morning, dressed and ready for school while I lovingly tend to them their breakfast needs. In reality, it is the place that Mr Woog takes off all his clothes and leaves them there, along with his handbag. And yes, that is a puffer vest and I don’t even want to talk about that, ok?

It is also the maternity ward for all the iPhone and iPad cords, as indeed they tend to breed and multiply there. Send flowers.

This next photo depicts the state in which my ball and chain packs the dishwasher. I know this will be upsetting to quite a few of you. He then turns it on, and walks away. NEVER TO BE UNPACKED. My mate Eden gave me that Hollywood mug when we were in LA. I use it everyday, despite recently getting a SUPER MUM mug. What? Habits are hard to break!

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Ok, so this room is known as the chamber of excruciating doom, otherwise known as Horatio’s Room. I do not go in there very often as it upsets me. This was taken just after he tidied it up. Since throwing my hands up into the air exclaiming “I GIVE UP!”, my stress levels have somewhat lessened. I mean, we pick our battles, don’t we? This one has gone to the bottom of the list. Fest away, little room, fest away….

It is actually quite good in this pic. I will not show you behind the door…

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It is a different state of affairs in Jack’s room. He has turned it into a fully functioning loom band factory, complete with many tool boxes sourced from Bunnings. He even took the reading lamp from his brother’s room so that delicate and intricate designs can be accomplished without straining one’s eyes. This is where he runs his masterclasses, so he keeps things quite neat.

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Master at work….

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Almost finished double starburst. Difficulty level, apparently very high.

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A spot in the sun and there is the cat. He likes to use that chair as a scratching post from time to time, which causes me great grief. He will sleep there all day, only springing into action when Mr Woog gets home because, for some particular reason and despite him and Mr Woog having a very fractious relationship, he has chosen Mr Woog as his chef. This brings me great joy, as I always get a fleck of cat food juice on my face when I open the can. And then I tend to vomit.

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And after Mr Woog has taken off his clothes, crammed everything into the dishwasher in an unruly fashion and fed the cat, he disappears into his man cave. There is a beer fridge in there.

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Alantown was built in the Art Deco era, a theme I try to touch on despite my lack of home porn skills. I really should not be using home porn as a description here, as your should see some of the search terms that people Google and end up on this mummy-blog. THE MIND BOGGLES!

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Beth gave me that Empire State Building weapon as a reminder of the trip we took to NYC. Good times, fuck yeah.

And of course there is the garden. Mr Woog LOVES his garden. He is currently planting an orchard. At some point the person who lives here, way back, was a gardener. It has great bones but has been neglected for eons.  Mr Woog has a fondness for garden sculpture, a fondness I do not share. How many can you find? Please note my dressing gown. It has been on the line for 3 days now. As soon as I finish writing this I will go and get it. I SWEAR.

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So there you have it, a few common scenes that you would find, should you come a calling.

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Care for a cuppa? One lump or two…