Are you a morning person?

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4am. I am in a deep sleep, dreaming of insane things when all of a sudden someone is hacking at my feet with a knife. I wake up, only to discover that the cat is attacking my feet. I kick the cat away and am about to return to my slumber when… scratch scratch scratch scratch…¬†The fucking cat is clawing the upholstered blanket box at the end of the bed. This causes me to spring from the sheets like a baby hippo may do, chase the cat out of the room and close the door.

6am. Am mildly disturbed by Mr. Woog as he fiddle fart asses around trying to get dressed without making to much noise. I tell him to shut up and he pats me on the head and wishes me a good day.

6.05am. I listen as the cat screams at Mr. Woog to be fed. SCREAMS. I go back to sleep.

7am. The door opens. It appears to be a child. He leaves when he realises that I am still asleep. But the thing is, at this stage I am fake sleeping.

7.30am. The door opens again and this time I invite the intruder in for a snuggle. As we snuggle, the other child in the house stops what he is doing, sensing that there is some snuggle time action happening which he is not a part of. He runs to my room and leaps on us from the doorway.

AND THEN IT IS ON…

“STOP IT!”

Punch, horsey bite, an elbow in my boob.

I take this as my signal to get out of bed, throw open the curtains, and greet the day by chug-a-lugging two back to back coffees.

This scenario is played out every. single. morning. without. fail.

Please tell me about your own morning routine.

Are you a morning person?