I think you’re silly…..

That. That title up there. They were the words that my mother said to me, when I decided not to buy a two bedroom terrace in Balmain for $290K many, many years ago. Turns out, she was right!

Screen Shot 2015-04-17 at 8.57.42 am

Currently for sale….. fuckers

Mums are always handing down advice, and as I sat at the dinner table last night with all the lads, I opened my mouth and my mother fell out.

“Stop swinging on that chair. If you fall off it and break your neck, you will have to go into a home.”

“Chew with your mouth shut please.”

“Elbows off the table.”

And it was at that exact point, as the elbows came off the table, that I GOT IT. Mum-Nagging is supposed to be handed down from generation to generation. It is the purest example of rote learning that I can think of.

But there is another, darker side to Motherisms. That is the bullshit side, the lies and the downright ridiculous things that were bestowed upon us. And I believe it is time to lift the lid on this crap, so by hell or high-water, here we go!

  • If you ARE pulling a face and the wind changes, your face will NOT stay like it.
  • If your friend DOES jump off the harbour bridge, of course you will not do the same.
  • If you ARE hit by a bus, the last thing that will be going through your mind is… “Oh shit… I forgot my clean undies!”
  • There is no way a cat can remove your tongue from your head.
  • Potatoes cannot grow out from behind your ears. It is impossible.
  • Your cat DID NOT go to a farm. It got hit by a car and is dead.
  • Don’t bother asking your father. He has no fucking idea either.
  • No. I don’t have a tissue.
  • Your hair will not go curly even if you eat all the crusts in the world.

We have been fed this crap for years and years and I for one have had enough. NONE OF IT IS TRUE! If I eat an apple seed, there is no possibility of a tree growing in my stomach. And I have tested the old “Wait at least 20 minutes after you eat or drink before you go swimming..” at many, many swim up bars all over the world and never one, not once, did I die.

So, the question is…. WHO IS SILLY NOW?

Think back… What was your Mum’s most prevalent Motherism?