Brush with Fame.

It was an exciting day in 1980, where me and my siblings got the morning off school so we could go out to to the Richmond RAAF base to see the Queen! For she was coming to Australia to open a shopping centre or something like that and the whole town was collectively about to wet their pants with excitement. We donned our finest attire, Mum dragged a brush through our hair and we picked some roses from the garden and wrapped them in tin foil.

The Queen was very underwhelming I must say. Even as a seven year old I could tell that she was a little ho-hum about the whole shebang. But then again I did not realise she had been on a plane for 4 hours, was jet-lagged up the jatzy and probably wasn’t too thrilled to be pricked by my thorny roses as I trust them into her hands. But it was my first brush with celebrity and I was stoked.

A bit like the time that I met Johnny Young.

Imagine being a celebrity? Wouldn’t it suck? I mean, you cannot even cock your leg and let a fart go without it being splashed across the front page. And do not even get me started about crap like this.

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Lee Lin Chin, please never, ever change. I love you.

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Sometimes when I am out and about, like at the shopping centre, I will spy a celebrity just getting out and doing their errands. And I have the urge to go up to them and say something profound, like “You are Georgie Gardener!” and I have to stop myself from doing so because as Alf says “Fair suck of the sauce bottle. State the bleeding obvious.”

Reality TV has enabled anyone to be a celebrity these days, albiet sometimes very briefly. One day you are on the red carpet, being interviewed on Sunrise and you are at the opening of everything. A few weeks later you might make a guest appearance at Bunnings, and eventually, years later, you may even begin to work there. Because we like to churn through celebrities like Big Red Cinnamon Gum. Cannot get enough of them, chew chew chew, all that flavour! And then it starts to become blander and blander until you are left with a tasteless wad which you chuck in the bin.

Celebrities need to remain relevant, interesting and constantly re-invent themselves to remain at the top of the tabloids. Dear sweet lord! How exhausting.

Prince Harry flies out of Sydney today, but not before a meet and greet at the Opera House, I believe. The only thing flowering in the garden at present are some geraniums and even they are looking pretty sad. So I will stay away, do some work. Fold the 3 baskets of washing that are sitting in the lounge room. Perhaps eat a toasted sandwich for lunch.

Would you like a taste of celebrity?

Have you ever met one? Ever met the Queen?