Oven Slaving with Mrs Woog – Cheats Vietnamese Chicken Salad.

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Did you know that the average person accidentally eats 430 bugs every year, and most of the time you don’t even realise it? I ate one last week. I was talking to this fellow when all of a sudden a bug flew into my mouth and I had a complete heart attack, spitting and gagging and squealing which normally would not have been an issue and quite understandably so, but I was in the middle of interviewing a corporate big wig about serious things.

Recovery time was quite a while. I am pretty sure the bug did not make it out alive.

So you might be sitting there thinking “What the fuck does eating bugs have to do with a salad recipe?”

You see, this recipe calls for a bag of salad and ever since a little incident that I like to call GAGO-RAMA (click here for the details if you wish) I am suspicious of salads in bags that says WASHED AND READY TO EAT. Because sometimes they are not.

But let us stop dicking around shall we, and read along to discover how I make a cheats Vietnamese Chicken Salad that is delicious and I guarantee your kids will loathe it!

You will need:

2 Chicken Breasts

Half a cup of chopped mint

Half a cup of chopped coriander

One bag of Woolworths Complete Crunchy Salad. (Washed and ready to eat… double checked.) or similar.

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2 small red chillies

half a cup of vinegar

half a cup of sugar

Juice of half a lime

A good splash of fish sauce

some water (I dunno, maybe a few tablespoons?)

1/4 cup crushed peanuts if you like that sort of thing.

OK, LETS DO THIS….

In a small saucepan whack your vinegar, sugar and water in over a high heat until it starts to thicken and the sugar is dissolved. Allow it to cool.

While it is cooling, get your moth-free salad and empty it into a large salad bowl. Discard the nasty dressing that comes with, but do use the noodles to give it a little crunch. Add to it your mint and coriander, stir it all though and set it aside. Perhaps even back in the fridge as I tend to do.

Now, chicken breasts are known for their properties that can render than dry and can sometimes feel like you are chewing on the inner sole of a boot, but listen to me… LISTEN TO ME!

The trick is to cook them sllooooowwwwww. Splash a pan with some EVVO (extra virgin olive oil for those who don’t know what that means…) and carefully, lovingly and tenderly place your chicken boobs into the pan, and liberally season them with salt and pepa. Leave them be for a bit and head back to your dressing.

To the cooled dressing, add the juice of half a lime, two finely diced little red chillies, the tears of a 40-year-old virgin and a splash of fish sauce.

Now this is where you are going to have to use your good sense and taste away, Ideally you will have the sweetness, saltiness, sourness and spice that you need there, all in that little pan. Adjust as you see fit.

Turn your breasts and feel them up a bit with some tongs. They SHOULD be starting to firm. Why I continually feel the need to reference breast jokes here, I don’t think I will never know. Maybe because I am very immature.

Now, the great secret reveal. TURN THAT HOT PLATE UP MOTHERFUCKER UNTIL THOSE BIRDS ARE SMOKING!

This will create a nice colour on the outside as well as a textual difference. Do not practice this risky manoeuvre for long. When they are cooked, rest them for ten or so minutes.

Use this time to yell out to the kids to come and set the table and to go out to the garage and berate your husband for not being able to read your mind.

Slice up the chicken, stir it through the salad and use your discretion when it comes to applying the dressing. Some like it hot, while others will not like it at all.

But for me it is a winner. Simple, delicious and quick. Tickety tickety tick!

And then realise, after you demolish, you forgot the bloody peanuts.

Ever eaten a moth?

Are you going to try my salad?

For more amazing and badly written recipes from the Oven Slaving Series, please click here.