It happened.

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Oh. My. God.

For the first time ever, yesterday I had post workout endorphins! I have been desperately seeking endorphins for years because everyone just kept banging on about them, and yesterday they rushed through me like a great whopping dose of Bali Belly and I took it as a sign to take the day off work.

Instead I took my new found hyped up, loved up body on a trip around the house, big garbage bag in hand, and chucked out anything that looked like it had no use in my life. You know what I mean, right? Those irritating things like broken coat hangers, bits of string that were once a long forgotten macrame project, empty bottles of perfume, dead batteries that for some reason I was hanging onto. Dead pens. GONE. Dead flowers. GONE! Stinky dead flower water. GONE. Why do you stink so much?

I made the beds, took care of the piles of stinky clothes in bedrooms, removed a LOT of glasses and plates from rooms and did general tidying like a woman possesed. BECAUSE I WAS HIGH ON ENDORPHINS.

Do you ever ask yourself, where are all the teaspoons? Check behind the couch, just saying.

So the old abode was looking pretty good by the time the men folk came on from their daily grind, and slowly but surely, they set about undoing my good work. All the usual suspects presented themselves. Dirty plates left atop a dishwasher that needed unpacking. Empty toilet rolls left scattered on the bathroom floor. Wet towels left on beds. FUCKING TEA BAGS LEFT IN SINKS. Oh internets, it chipped away at my endorphins until I was left empty. As empty as the economy section of a flight out of Canberra on the day Parliament ends.

They say a woman’s work is never done, and to that I silently raise my middle finger and jab it up and down aggressively for good measure. Woman’s work?

So, without the use of a whiteboard and markers and laser pointers and other things that I really could have done with, I delivered a stinging lecture addressing all of their shortcomings. I did not leave anyone out. I used as many phrases as I could recall during my years in middle management. I included “on the same page”, “window of opportunity”, “par for the course” and “synergies”, just to name but a few.

To be honest, they all looked pretty “unengaged” and as much as I tried to get them to “bounce some ideas around” and “brainstorm” some “best practices” I got nothing in return.

The doorbell rang. It was the pizza delivery guy. And it was at that exact point that the last of the endorphins left my body as I remembered my health promise to the Huffy Puffy trainer.

At the end of each session, we have to declare a health promise. Something that we will be mindful of. I always say something outrageous like “I will not drink wine on the weekend…” just to end the madness. The Huffy Puffy trainer, God bless her, gets so excited about my lies. Yesterday I solemnly swore to her that I would not eat takeaway for a week. Scrap that, obviously.

So there. Endorphins ARE a true thing. And teaspoons DO exist. And pizza is fucking awesome and I am a truly bad household manager.

Do you do most of the housework?

Does it turn you into a resentful, vengeful person who wants to yell at people and dip toothbrushes into the toilet?