What are the most expensive pair of shoes that you have purchased?

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I am known in my circles as the gal who hates heels. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be one of those women who put on a pair of stilettos and declare to the world that “They are amazingly comfortable!” but I just cannot do it. The closest thing I have is an open toed tan leather wedge that I brought to try and train myself on how to walk in heels, but they sit gathering dust in the bottom of my closet.

I loathe heels and uncomfortable shoes so much, that if you rewound back to thirteen years ago, you would have found me at my wedding, dressed in a long green gown. But no one knew that underneath it, I was wearing a pair of black RM Williams boots. I kid you not.

Très chic!

So as you might know I have been gasping and hurling myself around the streets attempting to get into running because every man and his bleeding dog seems to be doing it and they all seem pretty happy and smug about it. Smug bastards… But I have been wearing a decade old pair of, I don’t even think you can call them trainers to be honest. Do you remember Apple Pie shoes from the 80’s?

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Of course you remember them because they were so fucking awesome when paired with a ra-ra skirt!

So I was wearing this type of shoe while dry retching on street corners running the road as smoothly as a gazelle, but to make matters even worse, Horatio had relieved them of their inner sole for some reason. Probably we had a fight about the benefits of teeth brushing. So every time my tree trunk legs smashed down feet connected with the pavement, a jarring shock went up through my legs, through my hip and up to my brain where the message came back that I was far too old for this shit.

The Huffy Puffy Trainer to the Reluctant demanded that I sort my footwear out before Monday (today) and because I do as I am told, I went to The Athletes Foot. The gal there didn’t even laugh when I told her I needed running shoes, but measured my foot at every conceivable angle. I discovered that my left foot was a size 9, and my right foot was a size 8! Apparently that is quite common. I mean if one of my boobs is a whole cup sized larger than the other, it kind of makes sense.

She presented me with a variety of shoes, and I chose the least outlandish pair. Not. I went for the loudest pair of hot pink runners, so pink in fact, that they glow, as evidenced in that photo up there. And then I paid for them. And then I looked at the receipt. And then I fell over and the paramedics were called.

What is the most expensive pair of shoes that you have purchased?

I had better run like Cathy Freeman… just saying.