An open letter to Malcolm Turnbull.

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Dear Malcolm,

Do you remember the time that I went to dinner at Rooty Hill with then Prime Minister Julia Gillard and people completely lost their shit about it?

For weeks afterwards I was hounded by the mainstream media about it. I was called a soft touch, a labor puppet and a disgrace. Man, it was NOT fun. I recall meeting Mark Latham at the bar after dinner, and he snarled at me. Snarled! I also chewed the fat with Hugh Rimington, who I might add is a completely delightful human being.

The truth is that I liked the Gillard Government. I thought they were doing a great job.

The situation now, not so much.

You do not have to delve far back into this little Mummy Blog to realise that I am not a fan of Tony Abbott, and with each week that passes my dislike turns more into horror. It is like watching a car crash in slow motion. The man just shouldn’t speak. And if any of your Liberal Party wishes to keep their cushy jobs, you would do the old switcheroony toot sweet.

Both sides of politics are very uninspiring me to me at present.

I know you know who I am. I know this because I was told you used to enjoy reading my column on The Hoopla. You talked about it with my editor. You also asked her if I was a ‘Big Girl”, which was puzzling. But since you asked, I have recently lost fifteen kilos by laying off the hot chips and running my lardy ass around the block a few times a week. However, you my friend, are looking terrific. Paleo?

But that is completely beside the point.

What is holding you back Malcolm? We all know you want it. We all know that there is a fair chance it will happen after the Canning By-Election.

Mate, we are all going to die one day. Put on that blue tie, and make that change.

All the very best,

Mrs Woog.

PS If you do not legalise gay marriage in your first term, you shall be sent to Spankytown. But you will not be lonely. Tony is already there. As is Latham.

PPS If you ever find yourself on the train travelling down the North Shore line, jump off. I know this great little place for a coffee.