“I have never seen one like that before…”

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Those words. Those eight little words that you never want to hear come out of your doctors mouth. Or anyone’s mouth, now that I come to think about it.

You see for the past few months I have been cultivating some sort of lump on the end of my nose. At first I thought it may have been a blind zit, but as the weeks passed it was apparent that we were not dealing with your everyday garden pimple.

“I can’t see anything..” is what my friends tell me when I point it out to them. And then I make them feel it because, you know, I am such a giving person.

I stepped out into the sunshine yesterday, having visited Dr. Anne who was absolutely no use in diagnosing my mystery, although she did give me a referral to a dermatologist.

The phone rang. It was Mum.

“Where are you darling?” she asked.

I told her that I was hopefully in the first stage of the process of reversing my metamorphosis into an evil-looking witch. Like her daughter, Mum goes from zero to one hundred when it comes to over-reacting.

“Is it cancer? DO YOU HAVE CANCER?”

“Well fuck Mum. I hope not…”

And then we had a lively discussion about the fact that I might have a legitimate case for some serious rhinoplasty, for I have always hated my nose. It is particularly beaky, and now with added “lesion” it is not my finest feature.

So with an appointment made with Dr. Lee, a well-known dermatologist and plastic surgeon, I started fantasising about what my new nose would look like. I found a facial surgery generator where you can upload your photo, press a button and it will spit out back to you what your ultimate face might look like.

Screen Shot 2015-09-04 at 11.14.56 amThe only thing I took away from the experience is that sometimes, Mother Nature gave you your face for a reason.

What is the strangest thing you have been diagNOSEd with?