Well, that escalated quickly…

Screen Shot 2015-09-15 at 10.14.53 am

Yesterday morning was fairly unremarkable. I got up, got the kids ready to school, bashed out a blog post which you can read here, then spent the day running errands.

I got the stitch out of my nose at the dermatologist. I went to the doctor to review Horatio’s x-rays. All results that came back were favourable. I didn’t have skin cancer and Horatio didn’t have a broken finger. Things were looking good!

I watched a bit of Question Time and felt the shift in the room. Had Malcolm read my letter?

MALCOLM READ MY LETTER!

At 4pm he announced to the press that he intended to knock the old onion eater off his perch. I stuck a bottle of bubbles in the freezer and pondered the power of mummy blogging.

Mr Woog and I argued, as I wanted to watch Sky News all night and he wanted to watch some sort of sport where the aim is to ride a motorbike around a track very quickly. Why do we only have one TV? Horatio has even reported this abuse to the authorities. Well, his teacher at least. In the end I won out because I had 2 champers under my belt and my nagging was off the charts.

By the time I went to bed, we had a new Prime Minister. The fifth in as many years because apparently they all have Tourette’s syndrome.

Malcolm, I would be delighted to become the new Minister for Women, in case you are hiring. My plan would include the following…

  • Free tampons and pads that are available at cashless vending machines at the end of every driveway of every house in the country.
  • A special island would be purchased, and it will be called Misogynist Island. We would be able to put people like Ray Hadley and Alan Jones on this island. There will be no recording devices allowed, and no wifi.
  • I would suggest that we do away with compulsory voting, so that stupid people cannot have a say.
  • All women are to receive a free TV so that they never have to watch motor sports.
  • Any man who raises their hand to a woman would have that hand surgically removed, at their own expense.
  • Cory Bernadi would have his voice box removed.
  • Single Mothers would pay no tax.
  • Implement a special hotline for peri-menopaulsal, menopausal and PMT sufferers so we can call it and say “Can you please fetch me a Long Island Iced Tea, a packet of spearmint mentos, some Nurofen Plus and a copy of the Herald ASAP” and they would bring it for free.
  • Same sex couples could get married, if they so wish.
  • Encourage SOFT PANT DAY.
  • Make it the law never to mention a woman’s weight.

These are but a few of my thoughts. I will open the comment section up to my wonderful, smart, witty, intelligent readers so you can get a handle of what we really want.

But what I want from you Mal, is enough of the crap. Do something. Do something good. And start today. Because we are all watching you.

What else do you want from a Minister for Women?

And Tony, you can come out now.

PS The winning lotto numbers are 9, 32, 10, 22, 16 and 28.