Are you a hard-core bitch?

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See that upside down boy up there? Well, he is really very sick. Yesterday morning he appeared with the most sad face on, complaining of the fact that he had some sort of bubonic plague like symptoms and was about to meet his maker.

I am a complete sucker. After all these years you would think that I might be able to cut through the spin and identify a faker when I see one. Still, I do think he was crook, but could have gone to school…..


“Ok, you can have the day off school.”

I cancelled a meeting and a lunch date to nurse him back to health. Then Mr. Woog came home and the In-Laws popped over and all of a sudden… IT’S A FREAKING MIRACLE!

My mum was a nurse.

This meant I never got a sick day.

Oh and didn’t I try! I used to dunk a washer in boiling water and practically scald my face off in an effort to fake a temperature. I used to complain of a sore tummy, and she would tell me to go sit on the crapper for a while. I had no idea why. I sometimes would tell her that my throat was sore, and she would make me gargle hot, salty water before packing me off to school. Do not fuck with a trained nurse. They have seen it all.

I would have been in about year 3 when, one morning I began leaking from both ends. I was legit crook! Hurrah!

I went and found mum to show her the evidence and she agreed that I was legit crook and granted me a day off school.

Now at the time, TV shows from America educated me on what happened when you had a sick day. Your MOM would tuck you into bed with a bowl of ice cream, and relocate the television into your room. Heaven. Alas, my sickness meant that I spent the day lying on the floor of the bathroom with my body reacting very violently to anything that passed my lips.

And the next day.

And most of the next.

By this stage both my brother and sister had come down with the gastro bug and the whole joint stank like back streets of Bangkok. One bathroom folks. One bathroom.

By the end of the week, I went back to school to find out that both the teacher and most of the class were away due to gastro. But I had my sick days, and the revolting memories that still  linger to this day.

When it comes to your own kids, are you a sick day pushover?

Or are you a hard-core bitch…