Your Questions Answered.

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Today I am going to attempt to answer some questions as submitted by the WoogsWorld Community. They are a mixture of bizarre, funny, serious and plain strange.

But it is what you want to know.

Let is begin.

Lynnise Vale asks; Why do dogs have cold noses?

I believe it is a sign that a dog is healthy if it has a cold, wet nose. Dogs are unable to perspire like us humans, and pants as a means of cooling down. A cold wet nose helps a dog to regulate his or her temperature.

Kel Kellie asks; Why don’t they make better active wear in large sizes? Surely we’re the target market!

The truth is that they do not want their “brand” associated with fat people. Lorna Jane has extended her range to include a 16 to which we should all be grateful for. Apparently. Lululemon has basically told us to fuck off.

Kim Whitman asks; Why are Doctors and Nurses obsessed with bowel movements in hospital?

I recall, after having my babies. that the nurse constantly asked me if I had “opened my bowels” which is a fancy way of saying “Have you taken a dump?” IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS LADY! If you are a nurse reading along, please feel free to answer this on the comment section.

Vicky Moran asks; Why is my son playing handball inside?

Because he is an inconsiderate shit. Please read more about why I am frightened of balls here.

Claire Bear Phillips asks; What is the secret to baby soft feet?

Oh fuck Clare! Let me tell you. Last Christmas, when I was in the midst of feet so putrid that even I couldn’t stand looking at them, Mrs. Goodman gave me a device that changed my life. Click here for details. 100% reccommended. (Isn’t she a good friend!)

Robin Riedstra asks;  Why does bad gastro happen to good people?

Because gastro is an equal opportunity virus.

Jenny De Lacy; Why do my teenage sons fight over shoes, constantly?

From what I know, there is no rhyme nor reason in any teenagers behaviours, whether they be make or female. Not helpful, I know. Ask them to take it outside.

Louise Lisa asks; Why do birds suddenly appear?

Have you noticed that it is only ever when you are near?

Susan RM; Why does ringing Telstra make me so unspeakably angry?

You may recall, Woogsworld Readers have been allocated a special person to deal with so you don’t have to call Telstra ever again! Email Tom (and be kind! He is very nice) [email protected]

Sandra Donoghue asks; Why is New York called ‘The Big Apple’? (Apart from a guess of ‘taking a bite of the big apple’ meaning opportunity, I suppose!

I just copied and pasted this, I must be honest. The nickname actually springs from a catchphrase used in the 1920s by New York Morning Telegraph sports writer John J. Fitz Gerald in his horse racing column, “Around the Big Apple.” Starting on February 18, 1924, he began the every column with the header, “The Big Apple”.

Louise Bond asks; Why do my kids wake up so early?

Because they are inconsiderate.

Vanessa Smith asks; Can you make the sun less hot?

No Vanessa. I cannot.

Maple Bacon Please asks; What is an acceptable time of the day to start drinking during the school holidays?

Traditionally you bring it forward by one hour, so 4pm. Queenslanders, please adjust as required.

Sarah Scott asks; Why does gastro always hit on the day they have a school excursion?

Because gastro likes buses.

Michelle Brown asks;  Body acceptance. It’s getting me down. Why are we so critical of ourselves? I know it’s an oldie. But I own a clothing store and yesterday the self loathing I saw was just awful. How can we take baby steps in our own backyards.

Ohhhh. Big one. It starts with yourself. Zone in on the good bits. Self loathing is a dreadful thing. I call bullshit on it is a mate starts to bang on about it. Every single body is a miracle as it keeps us alive. Start slapping self loathing people with items from the accessory section and tell them to get over themselves.

Karen Reynolds asks; Why do people think it’s OK to discuss Christmas with my kids when it’s not even December?

Be thankful that someone else is talking to your kids, which means you are not.

Leanne Ellis asks; When travelling on an escalator/travelator and you fart, does the fart travel with you or does it stay where you dropped it? *actually genuinely curious*

I believe it dissipates downwards. I am probably going to become obsessed with this and partake in a study. *Eats legumes*

I apologise if I didn’t get to answer your question today. There may be enough for a round two at some point. And you may leave more questions in the comment section as well as answer any that you have superior knowledge about.

Hit me with your best shot.

FIRE AWAY!