2016 Predictions

Every year I drag out my old crystal ball, and predict the future. I did it in 2014 and 2015 and I have constantly been incorrect! So as I am not one to scoff at tradition, here we go!

Well, I did predict the demise of Tony Abbott on the actual morning of the evening he was shown the door. Can you believe that? Then I had to field calls from nosy journalists who wanted me to reveal my source. And I am all like “I JUST KNEW IT! IT CAME TO ME IN MY BRAIN!” but they didn’t believe me. But it is true. So some of my predictions do come true. But I would never have predicted 2016’s Colour of the Year according to Pantene Pantone, who are a group of people who are in charge of colour.

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In a nod to the eighties, these two colours are what we are going to be wearing, painting the walls in our house with and generally looking at, even though we are not all that keen on it. It has been suggested to me that this should be recalled BLUSH AND BASHFUL!

Speaking of interior trends, 2015 was all about the LIGHT BOX. If you didn’t have one and change it up a lot and whack it on Instagram every few days, you are a total loser dude and deserve to have your Insty Account suspended.

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Dare to be electrocuted? #ouch

One of my favourite things to do in the annual post, is to get my head stuck into some scientific data which will assist me in discovering what the next superfood is. This year, my head was a-spinning with so many new contenders! But step aside Sacha Inchi, Baobab, Gubinge and something called TEFF! Drumroll please………..

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Why, it’s Cricket Protein Powder! Simply add it to your smoothie, sprinkle it in your dukkah, flush out your colon with it, or make like Nutella and scoop it directly from the container with a big spoon. You heard it here first! *blows on fingernails and polishes them on shirt lapel…*

Try hard trend-setters tried to convince us to grow out our underarm hair, and dye it different colours. It was a trend that didn’t really take off. But lay down those lasers ladies, as I predict in 2016, the full bush will be back! No more jumping up in surprise when you sit on the cold lavatory seat, for there will be some insulation going on.

The rise and fall of the so-called Insta-Models happened so fast, if you looked straight into the flash on your phone at the end of a selfie stick, you would have missed it! I decree that it will be socially unacceptable to use selfie sticks in 2016, and you should be booked by the police if you are sprung with one in your handbag, because you are a douchebag. Seriously, you are just not that interesting if you think we want to see photo after photo of you on a beach. Stop it. Do something useful. Like write bullshit predictions on a blog.

Active wear will continue to dominate at the school gates, but you might want to consider carrying a pummel horse instead of a yoga mat to stay ahead of the pack.

The so fucking stupid I cannot breathe popular saying BAE (before anyone else) has had its day. Like FETCH, it didn’t really happen, unless you were under 16 and then you made it very confusing for us old people. I suggest that PMTB (pass me the bottle) will be the next big thing just saying. #justsaying

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All things copper will still remain popular in 2016 because so many people rushed out and bought new copper kitchen pendant lights that they need to be relevant for at least another year. I am ok with that because SHINY.

Pugs? So 2015. The new must have pet in 2016 is the Llama because they shed fur, hair, wool whatever like a maniac. And you can then make macrame wall hangings out of it. Macrame wall hangings are about to be HUGE.

The Kardashian Family will continue to dominate, breed and defy any laws of gravity that previously existed. Scott will find God.

Joe Hockey will get his kicks by yelling at innocent Merkins in Washington DC.

And finally, despite the strong  rumours that the art of blogging and community is dead, I will sign up for another year with my blogging host, for I am nothing but committed to the cause. Or should I just be committed? Do not answer that.

Ok then. The floor is open.

Please share your predictions for 2016!