Ten things to do to extend those holiday feelings (at home)

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Whether you have had a wonderful break, a very average one, or are packing up the car to head off on your summer holidays, there is always the impending sense of doom that is the post holiday blues. Today, because I care about you, I am going to share my tips and tricks to try to extend that holiday euphoria, long after your car has pulled into your driveway.

  1. Unpacking? Simply do not. Place each persons bag in their room and ask them to live only out of it. No new clothes should be introduced. This will really teach your pre-teen son to pack more than just one Roosters Singlet for an entire week. You are also not allowed to use the laundry facilities. Use the sniff test a lot.
  2. Bring back with you a bucket of sand. Spread a little over everything, including under the bed covers. Any left over, empty it into the bottom of the shower. Do not clean the toilet. Shower every other day. Turn off all air-conditioning and wait for the easterly to come and cool you down. Which is hard when you don’t live near the ocean.
  3. Turn off wi-fi and Foxtel immediately. Take out your selection of games and puzzles and remove important elements of each of them. Commence play.
  4. Source a pile of magazines such as Who, New Idea and Woman’s Day, preferably from 2011, and place them next to the toilet. Try and finish the crosswords in all of them that the last person, who was clearly not a member of Mensa, couldn’t do. Realise, after a while, you too are quite dim as well.
  5. Avail yourself to the neighbours pool. Once out, hang your towel over the front fence to dry and risk getting crotch rot by remaining in your damp swimmers for the rest of the day.
  6. Drink a bottle of James Boags Lager with lunch. Effects of said beer will set you up for a nice snooze on the couch in front of the cricket. The cricket must be on at all times FYI.
  7. Invite a relative over, sit under the car port in your swimmers peeling prawns and argue about shit that either of you know not too much about.
  8. Eat hot chips at 4pm in the afternoon. With sauce. Get everyone else to gather around hot chips and carry on like seagulls, being very handy and grabby like.
  9. Pack the car with kids and drive around a busy shopping centre car park, shouting instructions to your spouse on where you think a car park might be. Have huge argument. Have a period of sulking. Proceed to buy an umbrella at the discount store.
  10. Wherever you are, go to the local RSL club and order a Seafood Basket.

Care to add anymore?