This is Jim. He has a special talent.

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Yesterday my iPhone started to become quite ill. It had a rough night and this morning it started to kick the bucket, and then kicked and kicked and kicked and then nothing.

Suddenly, it sprang back to life and started randomly calling numbers in my contact list. It was mortifying and it took me far too much time for me to cotton on that the only course of action to take, was to turn the bloody thing off.

I spend some time on the Apple Live Chat thingy. We did all sorts of technical things to the phone until everyone threw their hands up in despair and time of death was called.


COD – Fucked up display screen that had been possessed by the devil

So this morning off to the Apple Store I went. I was told that the next appointment would be in an hour, which worked out fine by me as I had a lunch date and some dumplings to shove into my cake hole.

When I arrived back at the Apple Store, I was swiftly seen to by a gal named Alex. Say what you will about the Great Orchard, but their customer service is in a league of their own. After looking at the phone, Alex punched a few things into an iPad and said that repair was not possible, but she would replace said phone with a brand new one. FOR FREE! #fistpump #score #apples #smalldanceonthespot.

She handed me a new one and I looked at her.

“Do you have someone who can put the screen thingy on it?” I asked.

The screen thingy is the piece of plastic that stops your screen from smashing in case you have been living under a rock somewhere. I have attempted to do it myself in the past but there is always a speck of dust, or a stray hair that gets trapped and it drives me nuts.

I know. My problems are HUGE.

“Oh,” She replied… “You need to find Jim.”

Alex scoured the store and pointed to a hipster who was putting the screen thingy on another persons phone. I stood patiently while he finished that one, before asking him if he wouldn’t mind doing mine. Jim positively beamed!

We chatted about his love for putting screen thingys on. Turns out as a boy, his very favourite thing to do was to contact his school books, and that love had led him to a job of being the most excellent screen thingy putter on person in the Southern Hemisphere!

Apple, in case you read this Jim works at the Chatswood Store and can be identified by a very cool tattoo of a butchers chopping knife in his right forearm.

I told him how much I hated covering books with contact because air bubbles make me stabby. He told me he was thinking of starting a business doing it. So, as a show of hands….

Would you pay someone to contact your kid’s school books?