Mrs. Woog goes to Zumba Class

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Zumba is a type of torture that was invented in the 90’s and was sold into the marketplace via infomercials. Yesterday I took my first Zumba class. Mrs. Goodman suggested it and both Mrs. Jenkins and I thought it might be a laugh so we rocked up to the studio. All I was thinking was “Please don’t have a big wall of mirrors, please don’t have a big wall of mirrors….”

Hello big wall of mirrors!

Our teacher was a fabulous, fit, fifty, fierce lady with a strong Israeli accent. She was very bouncy and jumpy and quite infectious. She had the loudest outfit on and smiled all the time.

“DARLINKS! YOU HAZ ZE GOODS NOW SHAKE IT!”

And shake the goods we did. But holy sweet mother of sweat hogs, it was pretty full on. And I learnt a few things about myself.

  1. I am not sexy. It dawned on me as the hour passed that all those times that I thought I was doing sexy dancing, I was fooling myself and others for it is not sexy to shake, because shaking in my instance is more like wobbling. I thought back to all the times when I was single (and far less wobbly) and would be dancing with a potential suitor. Was it any wonder that I did not attract a mate through the art of dance?
  2. My tongue tends to hang out of the side of my mouth when I concentrate. 100% not sexy.
  3. The rules of inertia indeed apply when it comes to shake shake shake the chestical region.When our teacher did the shake shake shake, it was a neat little package. The same could not be said for myself.
  4. It is not necessary to bow at the end of every song, but I did it anyway.
  5. The shade one turns after 45 minutes of Zumba is officially called CHERRY.
  6. Despite all of the above, it took all my inner strength not to pretend that I was an eighteen year old welder called Alex from Pittsburg and recreate the dance scene at the end of Flashdance.

Today, well to be honest I feel like I have been passed through a giant sieve. Zumba. You won. (places sheer veil with jingle jangle things sewn onto it on the floor and leaves)

How do you go on the dance floor?

Ever done a Zumba class?

How long will this pain be with me?