Shelley Stockten is back by popular demand!

You’re busy. Time is precious. Fitness is hard. But staying trim and out of the cardiac ward doesn’t need to eat into your work or leisure time. Power up your daily routine with these simple tips:

Get moving
With a little imagination, it’s easy to incorporate a bit of extra movement into everyday activities. Hold in a fart for an entire yoga class. Turn grocery shopping into a workout and a social service by carrying an elderly woman on your back around the supermarket. Don’t just present that sales proposal – MIME that sales proposal.

Arc up
Some studies suggest that people exercise harder when they’re angry, so try working out in a situation that fills you with rage. Jog on a cycle path during peak hour. Choose the nanna-go-slow lane at the pool. Catch up with Q&A on the treadmill telly.

Shiver me limber
Shivering is like teeny weeny calisthenics for your muscles. Crank up the aircon in the office, spend your lunch break in the cold room of a bottle shop or simply carry ice packs in your underwear.

Eat fit
Did you know that some foods contain less energy than you burn just by eating and digesting them? Chew and swallow yourself fit by including a selection of crunchy, raw, low-kilojoule snacks in your diet. Carrots, tree bark, sandstone or engine parts are ideal.

A quickie in the office
There’s no reason an office job needs to be sedentary. Take the stairs, not the lift. Retrieve large documents from the printer one page at a time. Hit ‘reply all ‘on every email until someone wants to fight you. Appoint yourself fire warden and then start a shitload of fires.

Gyms are for losers
Why spend a fortune on gym fees just to have someone yell at you in a barn full of armpits? You’ll find a gymload of fitness equipment lying around your home if you know where to look. Gin bottles can make excellent hand weights. Throwing chairs at morning chat shows builds core strength. And letting a pigeon into your lounge room can give you a convenient but unforgettable cardio workout.

Pump up your self-esteem
A healthy body needs a healthy mind. And a healthy mind needs a strong support network. Discard negativity and focus on those who can nurture your self-worth. Surrounding yourself with flabby, incompetent arseholes will help you shine!

Please share your awesome fitness hack!

Shelley Stocken is a freelance writer when she’s not designing workplace training, making school lunches or cuddling a coffee.

One day she plans to find the person who invented the phrase “having it all” and punch them in the chops. She tweets at @shellity.

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