Spam Rage

Spam. It is a tin of meat that you can get at the shops. It’s name is derived from SPARE HAM and it gained enormous popularity during World War 2 because it was so preserved, soldiers could eat it. From the tin. Excuse me while I go throw up a little bit….

Ok, so spam is also the endless emails that you get from people and companies that you have never heard of. But how come you get it?

You know how you basically have to hand over all your personal details when you purchase something these days? Long gone are the days when you hand over cash for goods, completing a simple transaction.

“Are you on our system?”

“Are you a loyalty card holder?”

Eyes connect and fingers are poised above the key board….. awkward silence. Somewhere, not too far away, a baby cries for its mother….

I have written about it before, how a simple purchase can drive me to drink, and I fear it is just getting worse in these competitive, commercial times.

“If you spend ten thousand dollars with us over a six month period, you will qualify to receive a free cotton bud!”

But the thing is, if you do “get on the system” and hand over your email, you will be spammed. And not just by the company you signed up with. But, and I might be wrong here and if I am please tell me, I swear these email lists get onsold, and onsold and onsold until you inbox looks like this… (my actual inbox on Friday)

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 11.38.47 am

Now, I have no memory of signing up for ANY of this! The Labor Party in particular is going apeshit on my inbox, especially now and they address me so familiarly that it is a little off-putting. Like we are close and important friends. It is thought that a “conservative estimate” is that 80-85% of emails landing in in boxes are indeed, spam.

By far my most intense relationship I have had with a spammer was Vista Print. You see, I ordered some t-shirts from them (which they royally fucked up) and ended up having to investigate how to get off their mailing list for years. It was the sheer volume of digital shouting that they were doing to me, which really did my head in.

There is big business in “List Building” these days. Working in digital, it is all about the numbers. Why, even a few of you subscribe to The WoogsWorld Weekly (which I am planning to rename The Woogsworld Very Rarely). So can anyone tell me, do these lists get sold and is that why I get a newsletter from an outfit called Destination Chippendale?

Do you suffer from SPAM RAGE?

How much do you get? Who is the worst offender? Was it Vista Print?

Apologies to folks who expected to read and learn more about tinned meat. Here is a current list of flavours for you to enjoy.

Spam Classic – original flavor
Spam Hot & Spicy – with Tabasco flavor
Jalapeño Spam
Spam with Black Pepper
Spam Low Sodium – “25% less sodium”
Spam Lite – “33% fewer calories, 25% less sodium, and 50% less fat” – made from pork shoulder meat, ham, and mechanically separated chicken
Spam Oven Roasted Turkey
Spam Hickory Smoked
Spam Spread – “if you’re a spreader, not a slicer … just like Spam Classic, but in a spreadable form”
Spam Bacon
Spam Cheese
Spam Garlic
Spam Teriyaki
Spam Chorizo
Spam Macadamia Nuts – Partnered with Hamakua Plantation
Spam Turkey
Spam Tocino
Spam Portuguese Sausage