How to buy a car.

Screen Shot 2016-06-02 at 8.55.46 am

On the day you want to investigate buying a car, it is best to start with an adrenaline rush. I woke up yesterday to the sound of an almighty ruckus at the back door. Dragging myself out of bed, I slipped on my dressing down and flung open the door only to find Chuy perched on the rail with a large rat, twitching in death spasms, in his mouth, and Isobel Barbara going extremely mental at the scenario.

BANG! Adrenaline filled by body and without even thinking, I grabbed Chuy by the neck. He started growling at me like he was going to fully fucking kill me, but something in me took control as I marched over to the outside bin, flipped the lid open and held him over it, giving him firm taps on the back until the rat was released. AND I HAD NOT EVEN HAD MY COFFEE YET PEOPLE!

Once the adrenaline left my body, I felt exhausted.

Meanwhile, Mr. Woog had taken the day off so we could explore options regarding acquiring a new car. For those who are regular readers, you may be wondering why we were going to offload Sonia Kluger, our much adored Toyota SUV. The truth was that Sonia no longer fitted our needs. She was wonderful, but very large and we needed something a little more zipper as to save me money when scraping things up the side of her. The last time we said goodbye to a car, well you can read about that here.

My beloved had it in his mind that a Subaru was the answer. So off to the dealer we went. We asked the salesman Ben what they would give us for Sonia. A few faceless man went out to visit her in the carpark, then apparently went around to all the couches in the office and scraped together the lost coins, before coming back to us and extending their offer in their hands. We were both unamused and insulted. So we went off to the Toyota dealership, where that sales man offered us a little more money and suggested we buy a Corolla. Then we started making some really, really stupid decisions. Then I got an email asking me to write an opinion piece with a two hour deadline which was natures way of telling me…. ABORT THE MISSION!

On arriving home, I got writing while Mr. Woog placed an ad for Sonia Kluger on a car sales website and within the hour, two men turned up with a suitcase of cash and took her off our hands. Trust me, there is such a good story there but because I fear for my safety I shall not go into that little yarn any further. (Locks all the doors) But I can say I have never seen people count large amounts of cash so expertly.

So back to the Subaru dealership we went. I sat in the car of choice, in the drivers seat and commenced with the ultimate test. Could I drive with one hand and use the other to smack a leg in the back seat? SUCCESS! Something that Sonia was unable to do.

And that is how we bought our car. It is a boy, in case you couldn’t tell and bugger me, if I am not completely stumped for a name. This is something I am usually very good at.

What is this car’s name?

Anyone else got a good car yarn to share?