Terms of Endearment

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Its official. I have been with Mr. Woog for longer than I have been without him. It has been quite the ride, with good times and totally shithouse times, but we have hit easy street now, with the kids getting more and more independent. We also seem to be in the age that many couples call it quits. But we have an agreement in place that if you leave, you take the kids. It is like an insurance policy.

To be honest, sometimes he drives me nuts. He runs at 100% or 1% and nothing in between. He finds relaxing very hard to do, where as I find productivity very hard to do. He LOATHES going to resorts, preferring adventure type holidays, whereas give me a pool, a beer and a book and I am as happy as a clam.

But there was one thing that I thought was unique to my beloved. He calls me strange pet names, and has done since day one.

My first moniker was Boutros Boutros-Ghali, of course it was. He was the Secretary General of the United Nations in the 90’s. After a few years, this was shortened to a more simple Boot. Yes, my name for the best part of a decade was a shoe. Many friends and family who are reading this right now will be nodding. But that was ok, because my sister Mrs. Ryan has been calling her husband Pookie for eons. We all call him that, come to think of it….

But in more recent years, my pet name has become more fluid. Yesterday, he come home and greeted me with “Hello Rat Features!” and I stopped folding Mt. Washmore and thought ENOUGH! Although said with 100% love, I looked in the mirror to explore any evidence of rodent. There was none.

So I jumped on Facebook and asked the punters if they had an unusual pet name for their partner, or their partner had one for them. Not your usual love, darling, honey or the vomit worthy BABE. And I am pleased that I am not alone. Here I give you some real pet names that people call their partners…..

  • Ferret-Arse
  • Bum Crumpet
  • Orca (But only when pregnant)
  • Flannel Pants
  • Dog Head
  • Growler
  • His Lordshit
  • Grub .com.au
  • Chookie Possum Springtime Blossom
  • Minister of War and Finance
  • Nugget
  • Butter Bean
  • Queen Itchy Moot
  • Current Husband

These are but a few of very unusual, but completely believable pet names that we are calling each other. In conclusion, may I say the you are all insane and I am completely happy about it.

If you and your partner have an unusual pet name for each other, please share with the group.