I want a Hot Chip Birthday Cake. With sauce.


Did you know that the average lifespan of a lady is 86? Well today, I am HALF WAY THERE AND WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I GOT TO SHOW FOR IT?

Yeah, the kids I suppose. You guys are alright. Marriage, as far as I know is in working order. No major health issues at this point, bit fat maybe. Eyesight is not the best. I hate my wardrobe but I love my job. Cannot have it all, I suppose. Unless you are shit hot and married to a footballer. Stop it. You are sounding old and bitter.

Turns out I don’t like change. The new outlook email system has me stumped. And I am fucked off with a certain airline who charged me hundreds of dollars to change a name on a flight. On my birthday.

I share this birthday with my Wicked Step Mother, George W Bush, Geoffrey Rush, Jennifer Saunders and Maria Wasiak, the Polish Minister of Infrastructure and Development.

On this day in history, The Edinburgh Treaty was signed by Scotland and Britain. John Lennon and Paul McCartney meet at a local fete for the very first time and Mum presented me to the world at Tamworth Base Hospital. I used to tell her I remember being born. Could you even imagine that?

I am pleased to be able to share with you the delightful news that in America, it is National Fried Chicken Day! In Peru, it’s National Teachers Day.  And here in Australia, it is NO ONE IS STEERING THIS SHIP WEEK.

You might be kind of getting the feeling that I don’t really like my birthday, mainly because it is true. I know I am not alone here. Just off the phone to my mate Bev, and we both agree that as you get older, your birthdays get even more sucky. I asked her for some advice on what I should do to pull me out of my funk. She told me to have a peice of myself, have a hot shower, put on a face and go and eat hot chips. Yet here I sit, donning a soft pant with ugg boots, wrapped in Mr. Woog’s puffer vest because it is so bloody cold and I cannot get warm.

Now that I have typed “hot chips” I cannot stop thinking about them.

Anywhoo, thanks for all the Birthday Wishes on Facebook. Why, even got one from my high school boyfriend. Now excuse me, for those chips are not going to smother themselves in sauce and get shoved into my cake hole on their own.

Do you hate your birthday?

If not, whats your secret?