2017 Interior Trends

I was recently eating my lobster thermidor with my splayd at my melamine breakfast bar, when I came across an article about homewares. Homewares are things to decorate your home with. Much like regular fashion, homewares change with each season.

Do you remember, back in the early 2000’s when everything was eggplant? Mr. Woog and I were about to get married and Dad said he would buy us a couch as a wedding present, so we raced off to Freedom and ordered a massive, fabric lounge suite in eggplant. And we were not the only ones. There were at least three other couples ordering the same lounge in the same colour. We were all so smug, thinking how lucky we were that we were seeking a couch in the era of eggplant.

As soon as the eggplant couch arrived, the trend was out the window and we were stuck with it for years until the kids daycare centre needed a couch, and we shipped that straight over to them, complete with smears of baby spew.

Now, this article which I can now not find to save myself, was a bit snobby if I can be frank. It basically said that by the time the trend reaches stores such as K-Mart, that that sounds the death knell of said trend. Remember a couple of years ago, you could not throw a cushion at anyone, unless it was a chevron cushion. And then the pineapple craze came along. Those prickly fuckers were everywhere.

If you have just installed a gorgeous copper pendant SUCKER…. because apparently they are so passé…. *raises one eyebrow in disgust.* And if you have anything in marble at your joint, go and hang your head in shame.

Forget about 2016. You are too late. Remove that wall decal of a moose head, drag your fake Eames chairs out for council clean up and start stripping that wallpaper off right now. Pick up a pen in your now empty shell of a dwelling and take note, so you can hold your head up high in 2017, as you Instagram your house!


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Photo: Martyn Lawrence-Bullard Design

EGGPLANT COUCHES. Making a comeback next year will be the return of what they call the “jewel tones.” Think emerald, ruby etc. Remember when you had flouro yellow pops of colour. Forget everything you know about accents.

CORK TILES. This is not a major concern, as you just need to fire up your hot glue gun as these tiles are easily laid over your expensive polished concrete kitchen floor.

BATHS. With land prices continuing to rise, hit the shower instead. Use this space instead, for your hydroponic veggie patch. SELF SUSTAINABILITY is MAJOR in 17.

FUTONS. In a recent study, conducted by the AACP, (The Australian Association of Chiropractors) futons are a “great choice of bedding for 40-60 year old women in particular. Particularly those women who have early signs of fucked up necks.” Proceed with caution.

UNINSPIRATIONAL CANVAS. Again an easy one to rectify. Replace ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE or DO WHAT MAKES YOUR SOUL HAPPY with a more realistic message. I make this one up. You can order it as a printable as soon as I work out how to do it.

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REAL FLOWERS. There has been a recent run on faux blooms, which to not mix well with vignetting with the trend of multiple candles. This trend is only sustainable if you have a fire extinguisher mounted behind the display.

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BIRTHWORT. Fling that Fiddle Leaf Ficus Far Far away and get yourself the 2017 “It” plant. Birthwort (pictured above) will be HUGE next year. Just don’t place it in a high traffic area, as it produces properties known to cause upper urinary tract cancers. But I believe it will be worth the risk. Won’t someone thing of your interior credibility!

FERRET. You know the story. You open your mate’s front door only to be greeted by a standard cavoodle, chosen only because her flaxen coat co-ordinates with the rest of the cream interiors? Well, replace that dog with a ferret for a far more entertaining encounter. Ferrets are funny, plus they only live for seven years, which is handy as you will have to replace it with the net “on point” pet. We are far to early to predict what this is, but I am hearing rumours of falcons.

How do your describe your own relationships with interiors.

Are you on brand, on fleek or on your bike?