Why I love goats.

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I have this theory that my anxiety is driven by too many choices in life and information overload. Oh and heights and spiders and people who sneak up on you and say BOO. I also have this theory that people are either thoroughbreds or goats. Allow me to explain.

In the equine industry, it is a well-known fact that if you have a flighty filly on your hands, it is good practice to put a goat in the paddock with it, so she can calm the fuck down a bit. My pop used to do this when he was training the worlds slowest race horses.

People with anxiety (generally speaking) are thoroughbreds. We are excitable, then terrified. We spook easily. Basically we are magnificent creatures who need to seek comfort from others, when the chips are down. Enter, the goat.

Goats are the voices of reason. They are able to look at a situation with clear vision, and are able to determine that indeed, the sky is not falling down. Of course, with treatment and help, or pills, a thoroughbred is able to take on some goat-like qualities, but will always be that magnificent creature underneath.

Not so long ago I was in the car with a goat friend, when the sky turned back and the heavens opened, sending shedloads of rain down. The lightening began as the thunder roared and my inner thoroughbred began to rear up.

“Oh my god! I have to go and get the kids now. This is a catastrophe!” I said in a blind panic.

And my goat reached out with her cloven hoof and placed it on my normal hoof and simply said to me….

“Oh for fuck’s sake. It is just a storm. We have had billions of them in the past and will live through billions on them in the future. Get a grip, ok?”

Goats and Thoroughbreds get on just fine, as does thoroughbreds in herds of other horses, and a sensible herd of goats. The thing is, which ever one you identify with, you are not alone. I have many goat friends for whom I am forever grateful. The are on board with my equine state of mind, and love me anyway. Neigh.

So, lovely reader. Are you a goat, or a thoroughbred.

(This question should totally have been included in the census)