Early to rise.

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How do you start your day?

Do you get up with the sun, throw open the curtains before doing a five-minute session of grateful, yoga poses before feasting on a piece of spelt toast with avocado, accompanied by a cup of nourishing green tea?

Or does your bladder wake you up at 4am, where you stumble to the toilet in the dark and piss like a race horse, before stumbling back to bed, where you lay there now, fully awake for ages before drifting off into a deep, deep sleep about ten minutes before your alarm goes off? So you pretty much feel like shit for the rest of the day?

I am in the second camp.

Those with young kids will know all about early mornings. I can recall a period of time where my sons thought that getting up at 5am was a perfectly reasonable thing to do. So I would ignore the banging on the cots and the yelling out until at least 5.03am. Nowadays, we have the opposite problem.

I have to literally put a bomb underneath their beds. Jack is a morning person and wakes up with a sunny disposition most days, whereas Horatio is like me. As grumpy as fuck. The morning bickering is peppered with caffeine and grunts. Sandwiches are made, and often left, nagging about teeth cleaning is normal and for fuck’s sake would it kill you to make your beds?

This morning, after they had gone to school, I looked at my bed. There it was, a king sized number bathed in sunshine. I could hear it calling my name…

“Come on… come back to bed love. You know you want to……”

So to shut it up, I made it. And then the huffy puffer trainer to the reluctant turned up and made me box until I almost puked.

Do you wake up with a spring in your step?

Or are you semi-homocidal?