How to clean a teenagers bedroom in an un-resentful fashion.

If you spend time on Pinterest looking at interior pages, you may realise that you are doing it all wrong. I mean, where is the STUFF? Those who have trodden the well-worn path of having teenagers before me have given me advice on bedroom management, which is this.

SHUT THE DOOR AND WALK AWAY.

And this I do for a while, until the waiting game gets too much for me and I crack. So today I thought I would share with you my ultimate guide on how to clean a teenagers bedroom in an un-resentful fashion.

The first thing to do is a thorough self assessment of your own state of mind. Are you tired? Grumpy? Today is not the day. But yesterday I was energetic and optimistic. Plus, I was already sweaty ad gross form a huffy puffy session and was dressed in active wear, which is the preferred outfit for such a task. Once you have established that you are in a suitable frame of mind and can commit to completing the whole task, let us talk about distractions.

If it is in the morning, I suggest you listen to Wendy Harmer on ABC 702, as she provides a great range of topics and guests which will assist you on staying on task. In the afternoons, try a couple of podcasts. There is this one called Woog & Berry, which is apparently excellent, particularly if you like to listen to mid forty-year old ladies laughing at each other. Having sorted that, spend about 5 minutes doing some stretches. Squats are great, and focus on your upper-body stretches in particular.

If you are completely, mentally and physically prepared, you will need the following.

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  • One large high-end heavy-duty garbage bag
  • 1 roll of paper towel
  • 1 bottle of Spray and Wipe
  • Room spray
  • (not pictured) Washing basket

METHOD

  1. Depending on the situation you are facing, don protective clothing and a mask. Turn on your radio or podcast.
  2. Throw open all the windows, and in my case, stop them from sliding down again by propping them up with tennis trophies
  3. Take all the bedding off the bed and chuck it in the washing machine on a HOT cycle.
  4. Now, for the paper that is everywhere. Take all the visible rubbish and whack it in the garbage bag and hang said bag on the door-handle. You are not done with the rubbish removal just yet.
  5. Grab your washing basket and let’s go a hunting! Collect up all the glasses and plates and place in washing basket. Once full, take it to the kitchen and place in washing machine. Get the shits that the washing machine is finished but remains packed so place the basket next to the washing machine.
  6. Take 4 very long, very deep breaths.
  7. Remove all superfluous items from all surfaces and place on the bed. Don a dust mask or have a Zyrtec. It is at this point that you might feel the urge to have a break. DO NOT DO THIS. Power on.
  8. Spray and wipe down all surface. Cough a LOT. Sneeze a LOT.
  9. Go and hang linens out on the line.
  10. Swear a bit.
  11. Collect up all the dirty clothes on the floor and put a second load on.
  12. Fish out dirty socks from behind the drawers and under the bed and chuck them in too.
  13. Do not lose your shit on discovery of 6 mini-diet coke cans because you have run out and now know where they went. LET IT GO. Place in rubbish bin.
  14. Give the whole room a very liberal spray of air-freshener and close the door.
  15. Take full garbage bin liner out to the outside bin and squash it down.
  16. Vacuum thoroughly.
  17. Fetch linens from the line and make the bed, all trying nor to throw your back out while putting on a queen sized doona cover.
  18. Stand back and take it all in. Feel a mixture of accomplishment and disappointment, as you know that no-one will give a shit about this apart from yourself.
  19. Visit the bedroom the next day and weep gently, as it is if no one had every done anything nice for anyone.
  20. Write about it on your Mummy Blog.

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I should have moved that rug. Apologies to my anal readers. I will fix it as soon as I finish up here.

If you have any stories about teenagers bedrooms, please share.

Particularly if you have any more tips and trick to contribute!