Bringing back the pant.

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As sure as the sun will rise, there is one thing that I cannot live without. Oh, apart from oxygen, water and edible sustenance. Them would be my undies. Knickers, Reg Grundies… but never, ever panties.

That word can get in the bin.

There is something secure about a generous set of undies. And I am not talking about those wispy threads of nylon that you see in men’s magazines. I am talking about the industrial version. Proper pants.

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Model Chrissy Teigen (pictured above) walked the red carpet yesterday at the American Music Awards. Perhaps taking advantage of the fact that Kim Kardashian is still off the scene, she completely stole the show. Not because of what she wore, but the opposite in fact. What she didn’t wear.

Now, when I leave the house to do something, I go through the motions. Wallet, keys, sunglasses, phone….. underpants. It is in my nature to have pants on.

But things have changed my friends…. (sits on the porch in her rocking chair….)

First we started with cleavage. This, I can handle as I can actually get on board because Chesticals. Then you had the side boob phenomena, of which I cannot get on board with because it involves being bra-less. Never. Ever. Ever.

And then, just when you thought the world had gone completely mad…. enter the underboob.

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Now the very thought of me trying to pull of this look, well let’s just say I think I would be tripping over my boobs, full stop.

Which brings me to my point. When the hell did a mons pubis become a fashion staple? Is this what we are doing now? Because I need mine, fur and all, to be tucked up safety inside a sturdy set of size 16 Target Knickers. And at $10 for a two pack, I might even split my order with Chrissy.

Are we getting old or what?

Do you adore an industrial pant?