Brace Yourself!


When our family vet, Dr. Nick, first met Isobel Barbara Ewok Woog, he made all the right noises about how adorable she was. And then we discussed her prominent underbite. It is a characteristic of a shit-er-anian (Shitzu Pomeranian) but there was a cure for her ills.

Dog Braces.


I shot Dr. Nick such a stink eye that I kind of gave myself a migraine.

Dog braces have been around since the 80’s, with treatment typically costing around $4ooo. It is usually done for medical reasons, not for aesthetics which was Isobel Barbara’s issue. But I will rue the day that I break out the cheque book to make by dog prettier.

For you see, I have bigger fish to fry.

When the Murphy/Woog union manifested itself some 24 years ago, we both bought different things to the table. I came along with a fondness for karaoke, a somewhat (and still questionable) quick wit as well as my family history of having very good, white, straight teeth with no gaps. The Woog lineage had a different spin on things. They bought the brains, the superior academic achievements, an excellent ability to produce vast amounts of Hungarian deliciousness to feed the masses, an aversion to all performing arts, and some truly fucked up teeth.

Horatio managed to inherit his smile from my side of the family but sadly, Jack makes Isobel look like the hot favourite to win 2017’s Miss Universe Pageant. A recent x-ray taken of his jaw indicated to us that he was indeed missing several adult teeth. It is quite a gappy affair. This is a direct gift from his father, who was also missing teeth, something that several years investing at the orthodontist somewhat rectified.

So that brings me to this place in time, where we sit and wait. And wait and wait and wait until that last remaining baby tooth extrapolates itself from Jack’s little jaw, before we press send on the orthodontic adventure that I suspect will last until way into 2020. But as he points out to me, The New York Ballet will not even throw a second glance at him unless his teeth are there.

A wise investment, no?

Has any family totally escaped the orthodontist chair?

And break it to me gently…. how much $ are we looking at?

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