3 offensive smells that I just cannot abide by

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On Tuesday I was at a meeting in the city. When the meeting ended, I went to the lifts and pressed the going down button. The elevator doors opened and standing there was a small man…

Who had obviously just dropped his guts.

I was literally slapped across the face by the most offensive odour, but what could I do? I had to get in, watery eyes and all. No eye contact was made during my descent back to earth. Other people’s farts. I cannot abide my them. But curiously, my own are ok. Although sometimes I do marvel at the fact that my body can produce such a smell.

So today, we are going to talk about offensive smells that I cannot abide by. I understand this post will not be for everyone, so you have permission to click away now…..

Right, for those sadists who have chosen to stay (tips hat to y’all) let us begin.

FLOWER WATER

You know when you have fresh flowers in the house, and after a while they die and you think to yourself “I really should chuck those dead flowers out…”  but then you don’t? Well, each day you leave them, you are creating an ecosystem in the vase that when you eventually do throw them out, results in revolting, pongy, slimy flower water. THIS.

EGGS

The smell of boiled eggs makes me weep, and so when I do canteen duty the manager has to give me a lot of warning so I can go outside and take in huge gulps of fresh air. Please tell me that I am not the only one!

BELLY BUTTONS

Ok, you can all do this right now, whether you are reading at work, or at home or on the bus. Stick your finger in your belly button right now and dig about a bit. Now sniff it. Now vomit. Aren’t you glad I let you know about that little fest trap?

HONORARY MENTIONS

This morning I was playing with a friend’s daughter in the backyard, when she suggested I should change my nappy. I told her that I was a grown up and I will not need nappies for a good 35 years or so. Turns out I was sitting next to a freshly laid lawn bomb, courtesy of the dog.

Bin Juice

Butchers Shops

Bushfires

Shoes made from man-made materials after a long hot day wearing no socks

The sulo bin a few days after you put prawn peelings in it and it has baked in the sun on a series of 40 degree days.

Olfaction, also known as your sense of smell, is a mysterious thing. And like most senses, people’s ability to use them to 100% of their capabilities is varied. Take British man, Nigel Pooley, aged 68. His nose is insured for five million pounds, based on his amazing ability to smell cheese*. Meanwhile Lloyd’s of London issued an eight million dollar policy for French Winemaker Ilja Gort’s nose.

*edit note. go back and put rancid blue cheese in the honourable mention list.

When it comes to odours, what is your favourite and your worst?