Some tips on how to deal with unpleasant women.

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Oh we have all done it. Been a bitch that is. You learn it growing up as a form of self-protection. But I really want to break it down as to why bitchiness is on the increase. And it is.

Bitchiness and Judgment go together like strawberries and cream. In some instances, women gladly identify themselves as one. They like power. They enjoy the fact that they are unapologetic. They get what they want and they don’t need your approval, but by Jove they can dish it out.

And I blame the whole sorry state of the sisterhood on Alexis Colby.

Born in 1937 in London, Alexis was the daughter of the royal British Tailor to King George VI, so she grew up in a fancy environment. As a budding artist with a devilish streak, she went on to marry multiple times and spent most of her days terrorizing poor Krystal Carrington, the new wife of her first husband.

Sounds dramatic hey!

But the bitchiness can be found closer to home. The other day, I was in a discussion with some women, when the conversation turned to someone (who I didn’t know). Little by little, these women started dissecting her. I felt increasingly uncomfortable and pointed out that perhaps her kid had a lunch order everyday, because maybe she worked full time. As a surgeon.

Or maybe, she just could not be fucked to make lunches. And maybe, WHO EVEN CARES!!!!

Have you ever walked into a shop, only to be completely ignored? This happened to my mate just last week. She wandered into a clothing store, a well-known chain that rhymes with…. I dunno… Country Road. She was greeted with the dreaded UP AND DOWN AND UP look that some ladies like to give others. It serves as a quick barometer as to whether you should be able to expect service.

In this case, none was forthcoming and my friend left empty-handed, and understandably upset. Which begs the question….

Why do women do this to each other?

History tells us that men like to battle physically, whereas women’s weapons of choice are actions and words. We say things about other people to make ourselves feel better, and back in the day, you could gain social standing by doing so.

“Pssst Aivse. How go thou? Hath though been seeing the size of Petronilla’s Ass? Fulsome overmany!”

Whether we be judging people on the size of their ass (I SCORE A TEN – WHOOHOOO) and giving them the UP AND DOWN AND UP, I would like to share a list of highly, unattractive habits that we chicks have been dishing out to each other for eons, and what you can do about it if you are on the receiving end.

The Up and Down and Up – with additional Smirk.

Look concerned and immediately ask whether that person is suffering from a back spasm. Offer a heat pack and inquire whether you can call someone on their behalf.

The chick that you have met many times, yet still asks “Have we met before?”

You are to look them straight in the eye and reply “Yes.” When asked where, reply with “Rehab…” This works best at a social function.

In answer to “Oh, You look so tired….”

Explain that you have a hot new boyfriend, and you have not had a wink of sleep in a week!

When asked… “So what does your husband do?”

“24 years to life.”

When told, “Your hair looks lovely!”

Thank them. That is not bitchy. That is nice. I am not sure how this snuck in here….

When someone excludes you from a social activity and then sticks it up on social media.

Nothing. You are not 12.

When someone orders a sparling water, and you have just ordered a creamy pasta and a glass of pinot.

Nothing. You have creamy pasta and wine. SCORE!

When you go into someone’s pristine home, and they apologize with “Oh, please excuse the mess…”

Knock over a bookcase or two. Trash their bathroom.

When you walk into a room, and the conversation stops suddenly?

Fart loudly then ask if anyone has any toilet paper.

The thing is, you really can not stop people from being bitchy, but what you can do, is control your own responses to it. Alternatively, next time someone acts bitchy towards you, feel free to quote Alex

I just can’t wait for the day when I see you walking out of this house carrying the same two cheap plastic suitcases that you walked in here with! before positively FLOUNCING out the door….

Do you have a little trick up your sleeve when dealing with bitches?

AND WHY ARE WE STILL DOING THIS LADIES?