The Sale

Sometimes, for fun, I search the Domain site for two bedroom art deco units in Potts Point. This is because, once my children turn 45 and decide to leave home, I need an exit plan. Bu that stage, I predict that these units will cost Twenty Five Million Dollars, and I suspect I will end up living under the Harbour Bridge. But a gal can dream, am I right?

One of the trends I have notices about real estate sales propaganda, is they style houses within an inch of its life. And then the Real Estate agents take very helpful photos to showcase said property. Like this example below….

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This photo is of a piece of art. It has nothing to do with the house. It is not included in the sale price. It is simply a photo of a print. Other examples of Real Estate pitches are photos of fancy mineral water lined up on a nondescript bench and a bowl of bright shiny apples. Oh plus, there is a new tend of putting a blurry person walking though a space. FOR REALZ.

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A million bucks for a studio apartment, and you don’t even get the bloke!

There is a growing trend, in Sydney anyway, when a property goes on the market, Real Estate agents advise the seller to engage the services of a Property Stylist, who will come to your home and style shame you. Out the door goes your korpadal, your poang, your kongloquastal and the rest of your cheap Ikea crap. Taken away, to be shoved in a storage until somewhere so you will not hurt potential purchasers eyes. And it it’s place, a symphony of beige appears. Rattan huge, white couches and large bits of coral takes their place. Big blown up photos of your wedding are replaced with bird prints. Scuzzy sideboards are cleared of crap and replaced with a carefully selected object-de-art.

A pot of coffee is brewed, filling the place with a sophisticated scent, the door opens…. “Can I grab a contact number?”

It is done to get a higher price for your pad.

So anyway, this brings me to yesterday. A local Property Styling company has a sale every year to clear out passe fads to make way for the new wave of trends. It is a hotly anticipated event, and have the leafy North Shore streets abuzz with excitement. Ladies in active wear park their huge Audi’s and stand in the queue with their takeaway coffees from 7.30am. AND THEN IT IS ON.

Mrs Goodman, Mrs Jenkins and my good self were not immune to the excitement. We joined the riot at a more acceptable time, 9.30am, to find cushions flying! Positively flying! Amongst polite conversations overhead about upcoming summer holiday plans, “Two weeks at the Mollymook house. It needs some new rugs which is why I am here.” there is a noticeable underlying tension. I observed two women picking up a blue Ginger Jar at the same time, and what ensued was, well I am struggling to find the words.

The offerings were high end stuff. Rattan chairs, cream linen sofas, bird prints up the yahoo, glossy coffee table books, scented candles as far as the eye could see, hurricane lanterns, plenty of fiddle leaf figs,  bowls, trays, vases, rugs but surprisingly no toilet brushes. The mood was very grabby and snatchy. I was overwhelmed. The three of us stood out like spare dicks, because we were neither…

  • blonde
  • thin
  • stylish
  • Had a holiday home in Mollymook

But Mrs. Goodman, she takes no shit. She found someone who seemed to be in charge and pointed to a selection of things that she required. Sold stickers appeared out of no-where much to the sadness of those who were woking out whether they were going to buy her selections. I fingered every single cushion. They were fancy, big, plump cushions, so I decided to invest in a few “Because at these prices, they are practically free!”

I joined the queue to pay. Even in the line, ladies were asking their friends…. “Can you just hold my place…. I just want to check the price of that wall Crucifix over there. I have a spare wall in Mollymook that could use something…” Of course, being the people watcher that I am, I was in complete heaven. “You should write about this…” Mrs Jenkins said. And so here we are.

But the highlight of the sale, oh my. Until the day I die I will never recall this without smiling. I lined up with my patterned cushion when one of the people who worked there, a camp gentleman dressed in an apron, pointed at my cushion and proudly told me…

“I designed that program for Coco Republic a few years ago!”

Fuck I just love people! All of you. Except you David. I still think you are a jerk.

What are your interior trend predictions for the future?

Sold or bought a house recently? Any tips and tricks to share?