My New Hobby

Towards the end of last year, my talking doctor (aka shrink) advised me that I needed a project. Something that would slow my mind. You know how colouring in was all the rage for a while? Something like that. But not colouring in because holy shit BORING. Lots of people take up yoga but holy shit BORING. There is knitting or sewing or book club or tennis or baking or leaning to play an instrument. But none of them appeal to me.

But recently, I found great pleasure in one thing. And so I give you my new hobby.

Complaining. About. The Heat.

Complaining about the heat, or CATH as I will now refer to it, it sweeping the nation and I am pleased to be able to identify myself as an early adopter. CATH experts are mainly peri-menopausal or full-blown menopausal females who take great pleasure in screen-shotting the rising temperature, and sharing it on their social media channels.

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CATH enthusiasts also like to start discussions on Facebook. This allows other CATH hobbyists to join in on the conversation.

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Pregnant CATHS have my deepest sympathies. Non Air-conditioned homes of CATHS, well I take my hat off to you. This morning I have CATHed to at least 4 people whose paths I have crossed and it is my opinion that CATH is truly catching on. And so allow me to CATH.

When I walk outside, I can feel my lungs crackle as the heat dried them out. I become a ball of fest, as perspiration drips from every pore and orifice. The stillness of the air, combined with the deafening cry of a million cicadas does not make for a nice mix. Birds fall from the sky, alight. I say yes to jobs that I probably should say no to, all because of the impending doom of an inflated electricity bill. I like to spend large periods of time submerged in bodies of water, such as my neighbours pool. My house is eerily dark and my kids shit me to tears, as they behave like caged tigers.

I study climate change findings, as I swear I cannot remember a summer hotter. I study temperatures and am interested to note that last Friday night was the hottest night on record. I am also interested to discover that the summer of 2012-2013 is known as the Angry Summer, with a seven-day stretch of it averaging a balmy 39 degrees.

Isn’t it all so dull? Why can’t I consume myself with crochet instead?

Are you obsessed with the weather?

How are you dealing with the heat.

Want to join my CATH club?