My kids are never leaving home

circa 2011

The news dropped yesterday that penalty rates will be slashed come July 1 and my first thought was “My kids are never going to leave home.” A lot of parents get upset when they become empty nesters, but not me! The washing alone gives me the silver lining of anticipation. And the bog roll bill will be slashed!

My mate Joe Hildebrand recently wrote an eye watering article about how Australia was heading for an “economic Armageddon” which outlined how we were all basically going to be living on the streets at some point. I look at my kids and their dreams and aspirations. Horatio wants to be a professional rugby player, preferably for the All Blacks if possible while Jack wants to dance for the New York Ballet, although his back up plan is to join the Opera National de Paris if NYC doesn’t work out.

Such lofty goals which indicate to me that they are never going to move out.

When Mr Woog and I were whippersnappers, we saved and saved and saved until we had $17K which we used as our 10% deposit on a rundown 2 bedroom cottage on the outskirts of Sydney. We had Horatio, dropped back to one income for six months and lived very frugally. Everything we owned was second-hand and a little bit dodgy. But we had a ball!

There is a whole generation now known as the Boomerang kids. They leave home between 18-21 only to find life pretty tough on the outside and end up back on Mum and Dads doorstep in debt before their life has even really begun.

Neither of my lads are particularly academic, but they have rat cunning in spades THANK GOD and that trait cannot be taught. Rat cunning allows you to make the most of any circumstance. I try to instil a sense of hard work and the importance of earning their own money. They both have after school jobs at the local shops. Harry in the fruit and Veg while Jack is at the butchers. He is known as “Cryovac Jack.” Us horrible parents, we make them save 50% of their pay for a rainy day. If they want something, they save for it.

They are never leaving home. And they are getting bigger and louder and eat the fridge clean. They piss on the floor and leave damp towels on their bed. The hormones are emerging which is leading to some very interesting exchanges. The fighting is getting worse and man, are they expensive! Lucky I love the little buggers.

When did your kids leave home?

Did they boomerang back?