Who shrunk my pants and other things I have learnt

I am one of thousands and thousands of parents who are throwing their hands up in joy this morning as the kids go back to school. It seems that they have been on holidays for a month. The first few days of school holidays are always the best. Pyjamas till noon, everyone happy and lazy and relaxed. But then, boredom arrives at the door and things turn to shit. Here are a few observations I have made note of over the past few weeks.

My pants shrank.

Perhaps it was due to the fact that I have basically done fuck all in the “move your body” area. Or perhaps I can blame Netflix, of which I invested a lot of time in. Or may, just maybe, it was the tonne of chocolate, ham, potatoes, riesling, hot cross buns and bacon that I inhaled. Whatever the case, pants are shrunk.

I have no good food.

“Mum! Why don’t we have any good food?” This is to be said in a particularly whiney voice while hanging off the doors to the pantry. Despite a full fridge, a full pantry and a full fruit bowl, none of this bounty is deemed GOOD. What is this GOOD food that you are seeking son? Isn’t all food, good?

If you use the cheapest quote….

Although it seems like a good idea at the time, using the cheapest quite will always come and bite you in the ass. I present to you, my FLOORDROBE. It collapses all the time and is causing me angst.

Kids have questionable hygiene habits

Whether it be allergic to flushing the toilet, or catching them chugging milk straight from the bottle while standing at the fridge, germs are everywhere. Having kids of advanced years, you need (beg them even) to have a shower. And a real one. Not a fake one. I know this because I used to be a legend at a fake shower.

My very being is an embarrassment.

Refer to this.

Sales of savvy b expected to slump

Now that I am back to no wine on a school night. This is making me sad already.

Binge watching crap to cease and desist

Gone are the long nights under the doona, pressing NEXT EPISODE on my phone. A strict curfew is to be adhered. What have I got left to live for?

In conclusion….

It is time to get a little more routine back. And rugby training and ballet practices. Of wearing a bra. Of eating things that are green and working my way through an inbox that is backed up like the M7. Oh school holidays, I miss you already.

What about you? Are you thrilled that they are back to school?

Did you learn anything these holidays?