Hurt people hurt people – My theory as to why people are assholes

I went for a walk this morning with mates. We went bush and it took all my concentration not to tumble down the rocky paths. Once we reached the bottom of the path we were rewarded with this glorious view. Isn’t it staggering that this can be found ten kilometres from the middle of the city? But then to return we had to do the stairs of DEATH AND DOOM AND HOLY FUCK IS MY HEART ACTUALLY GOING TO EXPLODE FROM MY CHEST CAVITY?

Once I reached the top I collapsed and waited for my heart rate to return back to earth and wait for those goddam endorphins to kick in. WHERE ARE YOU YOU FICTIONAL CHARACTER?

And boom. There they were.

I pushed through the pain and was rewarded with an enormous sense of achievement. Having said that, now as I sit here typing, my thigh muscles are in spasm and I am thinking about ordering me one of these.

I got a fairly unpleasant email the other day which is never very nice to read. It was from a fella who thought it was beneficial to me to let me know what a crappy writer I am. I flicked it into the trash file then emptied the trash file  I know that writing is like art and is subjective. What might be heaven to some is hell to others. I totally get it and I am totally ok with that.

And remembered something that someone had written in a comment recently.

Hurt people hurt people.

What a fucking game changer that was to read. Hurt people hurt people. And once those four words sink into your brain you will be able to see it EVERYWHERE and it will totally flip your thoughts when you encounter a real dickhead. Road ragers are hurting. People who barge past you, in total pain. You hear through the grapevine that someone is throwing shade at you, tilt your head with sympathy. Get a nasty comment on your blog? Send out a cyber hug.

Now, I am not a saint by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t confess to love and adore every person who crosses my path, no one is like that. I have this theory. Its the DOG THEORY and I learnt it at the dog park. There were dozens of dogs all running around, sniffing each other’s asses and romping around with joy and general frivolity. But then all of a sudden a fight will broke out.

People are the same. Put a big group together and there will always be some friction somewhere.

Years and years ago, I was living in London when a long time friend, who was living with me, made friends with this other girl and in my stupidity (I am going to blame my youth) I confessed to my mate that I wasn’t really a fan of her new mate.

“That’s ok…” She said without a pause “She doesn’t like you either.”

Um. Ok then. We were the two dogs in the park that were destined not to get on. But I was hurting because I was jealous of their new friendship, so I tried to hurt her and ended up getting a hell of a lot of egg on my face but I learnt an important lesson.

So if someone is hurting you right now, know that it has nothing to do with you. When you are happy and content, well some people are just not happy about that but that is not your issue. If you need an example of a lot of people in pain, go to the comment section of websites like The Daily Mail. Those guys are dripping in blood, such is their pain.

And to you Andrew, the author of that email, I am sorry and I hope things improve for you soon.

Does this make any sense to you at all?

Or are my endorphins impairing my brain?

  • Linda

    Brilliant. I needed this. A lot 😞

    • It’s not your issue Linda xxx

  • Makes perfect sense – to answer your question. I remember that comment on another post, and it’s been sitting in my head too. Thanks for writing some more about it.

  • Crickey! I’d be stoked to be a bad writer such as you! Andrew really should be taking notes on effective story telling from the master! Brilliantly told story as always. And the person who left that comment “Hurt people, hurt people” should be awarded a Woogsworld Gold Star (or some such esteemed accolade) for perceptive brilliance. Because those words are indeed gold. 🤗😘

  • Tracey

    So, so true.

  • I absolutely agree that hurting people hurt people. It’s easier said than done to look beyond it, but it’s a good reminder to not allow the hurt to get to you, because once you’re hurting, you put yourself in a position to hurt others. That sounds a little deep, but essentially, don’t let what hurting people say make you bitter. I enjoy your writing. Please don’t stop. x

  • Bee

    Well said Mrs W. I agree wholeheartedly.

  • Sarah Gooley

    Such an elegant way of saying it. I know if hubs or I get a bit afronted by someone we remind each other it’s probably a reflection of some shit that person has going on and nor necessarily him or I. Folks are strange and Andrew wouldn’t know good writing if he tripped over it. X

  • Cheekie

    Legend Mrs Woog
    You are a bloody legend
    I will bear this fabulous quote in mind when I encounter the all manner of arseholes that come my way… largely clients who ( hand on heart) are hurting but sometimes I lose sight and they get to me.

    • Cheekie

      Oh and Andrew is a hurting arsehole

  • So, so true x

  • Eden’s Mum

    Oh Mrs Woog … this is sensational… I love it and needed this today… tell Andrew to get over himself….. I feel sorry for him 💜💜💜

  • Donna

    I agree with you. BUT there are so many people living with loss and pain and troubles who rise above and are kind and generous and patient and good.

  • Donna

    I agree with you. BUT there are so many people living with loss and pain and troubles who rise above and are kind and generous and patient and good.

  • Collette

    I know myself, if I’m feeling anxious or crappy about something, I yell at my kids more. Which, of course makes me feel worse. I hate that I do that, and being a bit more aware of it, I try to reign it in. But there you go, I am living proof of your theory. And it helps when you’re on the receiving end of the hurt, you can reason it away in some instances. Your writing is great, btw.

  • Barb Fisher

    100% agree with this sentiment. When people do nasty things, I always try to think to myself how miserable they must be at this point in time, for whatever reason. Their behaviour says everything about them and nothing about you.

    And your writing is fucking fabulous.

  • Lee by the sea

    Why is it that we take notice of the one random comment that is critical of our work and ignore the hundreds of fabulous comments? Let’s try to focus on the good stuff. It’s hard, I know. And the saying that ‘hurt people hurt people’ is so true. We must be better than that. Thanks for your thoughtful writing on this.

    • I think it is all about timing. When you are feeling pretty shit HELLO! Great comment. Thanks Lee xx

  • Charlotte

    Given the comments you make about people with whom you disagree, you must be hurting too. Hope things improve.


    I have this saved in my phone, and when I’m feeling wobbly on the people front and wonder why some people act like arseholes, I read it. It brings me calm.

  • So much sense! Thanks for this blog post today. In saying that, being hurt isn’t an excuse for hurting others.

  • Debby Hornburg

    No. What you say is truth. You can be grateful that you are aware enough to realize these sorts of things. It’s called wisdom.

  • Kate in Melbourne, Australia

    Total sense. Something I remind myself of regularly is that most of what people say to you is about them. Even when discussing you, most of what people say is about them. Which is just another way of saying what your blog post says.

    You start thinking about the psychology of others and suddenly things make a lot more sense. And it makes you more compassionate.

    Now if only everyone else did it, they’d all be more compassionate and the world would be a better place!