If I was you, I’d want to be me too. Except not.

Did you know that your “funny bone” isn’t even a real bone? I started thinking about it when I whacked my elbow on the car door during the long weekend. The result was not funny at all. But because I have an enquiring mind, I wanted to know why why why? It is the ULNAR nerve that creates that pain. This nerve is responsible for the control of your forth and fifth fingers.

When I was young, probably about six, I licked the end of a battery. Heaven knows why, but I thought it was a good idea at the time. It was one of those big square batteries that you put in the remote control to drive a toy car. It gave me a small, stinging shock but for some reason I did it a few more times. This act defined the fine line between pleasure and pain. Did you ever do it? If so you will know exactly what I mean.

Yesterday I scraped the skin off the back of my heel on the bottom of the screen door. I went down like a sack of crap as I have the worlds worst pain tolerance threshold. Seriously, this is why I do not have a tattoo. Apart from breaking my leg twenty years ago and being in labour for 7835 hours, there are two other notable painful episodes on my life.

Once I was at the gyno having a merina put in. Without telling me, the doctor numbed my cervix. WITH A MOTHERFUCKING HUGE NEEDLE. I yelped, asking her why didn’t she warn me!

“Because you would freak out if I told you.” She told me. She was 100% correct.

And the other pain point was also a medical procedure. I had begun to grow what looked like a witches wart on the tip of my nose. I needed it not to be there. The skin specialist agreed with me and told me how he planned to use a little hole punch to remove it. Sounds reasonable. But first he had to numb the area. WITH A MOTHERFUCKING HUGE NEEDLE. Did you know that there are a million nerve endings in your nose which means when stick with a huge needle, makes ones eyes weep, makes you yell out swear words and makes you squeeze the shit out of the nurses hand? That pain spreads over your face like a bad case of chicken pox until you plead with mercy, and hope that God appears to take you to the pearly gates?

Until this morning, I would have listed these things as the most notable pains that I have endured. And then I watched this.

If you are a true masochist you can watch the extended promotion by clicking here.

No way am I having a dig at these women personally. Lots of people would love the sort of infamy that goes along with these types of shows. I have an issue with basically every other single little thing that this show stands for.

Am I over-reacting or do you agree that this in exceptionally painful?

  • Well, THAT will be yet another awful piece of ‘reality’ TV to be avoided…GAH!! Looks horrible.
    Re the gynie pain – I had a gynecologist once who did something no gynie had done before, or since… In rooms biopsy after bad pap smear *crossing legs at the memory*… And as she finished, she reached behind her to the tray of bits and pieces and produced an excellent gourmet dark chocolate truffle that she popped in my mouth saying, as she smiled at me, “Chocolate is a good remedy for the kind of ‘shock pain’ caused by procedures like this.” It was a huge tragedy for me that she’d ceased practicing when I had to go through the whole process a second time!

  • Antoinette

    There’s a reason I don’t watch television anymore: ads and sh!t shows like those!

    • Rejeanne Rochon

      I am with you 100%. I’ve cancelled TV services last July, almost one year now and no regrets. I do use Netflix to watch a movie or 2 during the weekend.

      • Channel ten have just announced that they are going into administration.

  • vanessay

    Like Antoinette, I do not watch commercial television any more. I did not watch the promo because I, too, find these shows so painful. They are pointless and exploitive of both the participants and the audience and I hope the show goes down the tubes after the first episode. I am baffled when I try to imagine the kind of mind that comes up with this excrescence and dares to call it entertainment. Dear T.V. executives: humiliating women is not a form of entertainment, bloody well cut it out!

  • It looks super-painful. But not as painful as an episiotomy performed WITHOUT anaesthesia. Read that again, let it sink in. TRUE STORY.

  • I would say I don’t want to judge before viewing the show properly but I admit I have no desire to view it and I think we can all see how it’s going to turn out…
    Also, I know that everything will offend SOMEBODY at some point, but as someone who has dealt with infertility, I can’t help but feel that these women inevitably being splashed all over sensationalised social media posts and promos will be tough to swallow as they argue over shallow things and judging from the promos, treat their children-to-be as fashion accessories.

  • Kate

    I can not watch the extended promotional clip… the 30 seconds I chanced a glance of last week was enough for this lifetime. But if I was a top spy and future kidnappers are out there considering torture methods, I could totes have all those big needles, but 45 seconds of this and I would cave. I used to like that song too. damn

  • sue

    I have an issue with the term yummy mummy. Why can’t slummy mummy be aspirational instead?