Does your brain ever default to become your enemy?

It has been about a fortnight since Putin and Trump colluded together, along with Google, to take down* Australia’s Number One Ridiculous Website. I am not going to sugar coat it, it has been a rough time. I discovered that I was addicted to blogging and as with any addiction, once it is taken away from you, you go into withdrawals. And with no space in which to create, I kind of got into a spin.

Where the fuck were my 2325 thousand stories? Where were all my memories? Because I am sure as shit that I cannot contain them all in my head.

So I did what I tend to do when the stress becomes all too much.

Now, I have workshopped my anxiety enough with Dr. Susan to know all it her little tricks and mischievous ways in which she tries to tap into my subconscious when I am under stress. She was very persistent one day last week, trying to trick with me with her evil lies. A panic attack was impending, I recognised the first waves of adrenaline wash over me while I was sitting in a board room with a dozen people.

One of Dr. Susan’s tricks to stave of a panic attack is to really focus on something. I had just eaten a white chocolate Lindt Ball (highly recommended) and so I began smoothing the wrapper out slowly, getting rid of all the creases. I noticed the different textures of the foil and the cellophane and took note of the different fonts. A few minutes of doing this and the attack realised that I was not going to play and it left the room.

Motherfucker. I WIN.

And my overactive brain spent the fortnight telling me that I should take the blog problems as a sign that I am irrelevant, that I am useless. A joke in fact. That what I do was worthless and I had spent years of writing my stories which did not make a difference to anyone. Does your brain ever default to become your enemy? If so you will know exactly what I mean.

Look in the mirror, Hello imposter syndrome! Just who the devil do you think you are Mrs. Woog?

And then, like it always eventually does, there was a really faint light at the end of the tunnel. It is just a blog. It is not changing lives or contributing great things to society. My tech wizard Kelly, well she was not going to go down without a fight, setting her alarm clock to get on the phone to Google in the States in the middle of the night. Everyone needs a Kelly on their side. Oh and if you are not into her blog, please click here.  She makes my world a better place and I guarantee she will do the same for you.

Thanks for all the lovely emails and messages you wrote me. I have read every single one and will get back to you soon. The fog has lifted. The work that I do is important. I provide a special place in the big bad gloriously wonderful world for people to connect. And after all, isn’t that we all want in the end? Thank you for reading.

THE END

To new beginnings!

*May not be the exact truth.