Won’t somebody please think of the children?

There is nothing like having a blog and a social media platform that allows people to tell you off! Write about tax on tampons and you are “ruining the environment!” because I am not plugging up with something called a moon cup. Write a blog post titled Why I have decided to get botoxΒ and watch the hounds be released! I am a disgrace to women the world over. Mention that I have run out of coffee pods QUICK MRS WOOG! DUCK!

Write about linen cupboards only to be told I have “jumped the shark”.

It is only a small part of my day, reading these lectures that are sent to me, but it is all a part of the scene.

The funny thing about it all is that deep down, no one knows my faults more than me. I am notoriously disorganised yet am a sticker for punctuality. I do not like avocado or mayo and avocado and mayo is pretty much on everything these days. Sometimes I do not wash my hair for an entire week! Most days, especially in this cold weather, I don’t feel like stripping off and having a shower but the moment I am in there, I think “Man, I should move my bed into here!” because it is just so good.

This morning one of my kids suffered from FAILURE TO LAUNCH and is still asleep in his bed. TRAUNT!

I have 100% given up on trying to manage the socks in this house and so now all the odd socks go into a big drawer in the sideboard and the men folk can help themselves to try to find a matching pair.

I have undies in my drawer that should never encase my backside because they are so old and ratty and I most certainly would not want to be hit by a car whilst wearing them.

I am notoriously bad at running the technical side of this blog. I can put the words on the page and that is where my skills finish.

As well as being environmentally unfriendly, anti-feminist and a bad spellar, I also give my kids white bread. Just sit on that for a while.

I like diet coke and sometimes for lunch I melt that plastic Kraft slices onto toast. I can eat a WHOLE tub on Maggie Beers in one sitting.

But for every lecture that is delivered into my inbox from a stranger outlining my shortfalls, I get many more messages like these….

Which gives me the most satisfying feeling that my words may have helped someone. Or I made someone laugh. Or think.

Look I am no saint. In fact I have deep flaws and sometimes it is hard to even get out of bed and open up Big Bertha to find unpleasant emails and messages, but that is now unfortunately the lay of the land these days. Like you, I am doing the best that I can. Like you, I have my ups and downs and like you (hopefully) I try to focus on the positives in this funny old life.

Go forward, flaws and all and hopefully no one will feel the need to point them out to you.

Fuck that! Share your flaws. Do you use too many zip lock bags too?

  • If I didn’t use ziplock bags my children would starve…. they cannot figure out gladwrap to save themselves… and plastic containers never come home…

    • What are these plastic containers you speak of?

  • dolly

    ahhh ziplock bags… so good for packing when you pack when travelling. shoes. shampoo. underwear… then dirty underwear. i feel slightly less bad, as they get used over and over.

    i have another in my handbag for tablets, tissues and hand sanitiser.

    love them…

    • Me to and they are great for travelling xx

      • Bron Alday

        *too Mrs Woog *too πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ™Š

  • Heidi D

    I am not very patient, I definitely use too many ziplock bags & if you listen to my 14 year old I don’t understand & am basically ruining her life.
    Bit of bad luck really because after 48 years on this earth I am no longer particularly bothered if people like me or not. I am what I am & if someone doesn’t like me the way I am it is their loss πŸ˜‰
    Just for the record I love what you write. No matter what you say someone will always manage to be offended, some people seem to make it their hobby. Ignore them.

    • Thanks Heidi! You are always so lovely and supportive of me and I really appreciate it xxx

  • Susie

    These people who take the time to criticize and nit pick, or worse still abuse and bully, should spend it instead doing something to help others or just be nice to someone for no reason. They’d feel happier about themselves.

    • Can I get an AMEN!

      • Diana

        Amen!
        It’s constantly pointed out to me that I’m loud , I talk too much ! ( I’m a kindy teacher so who cares)
        I take nanny naps anytime of day , will ditch chores for a coffee and chat and buy takeaway chook rather than wash a roasting pan !
        I went away for a week with friends and didn’t leave any meals for my hubby . ( he didn’t starve)
        I’m chilling on the lounge now when I could be folding and ironing . I’m still in my gym clothes at 2.30pm although I went to the gym at 9 am !
        I’m me and that’s good enough .
        I look forward to reading your blog , it makes me laugh , so don’t change !

  • Polly McDougall

    We love your work Mrs Woog!! Thanks for keeping it realz on the interwebs for the rest of us who give their kids white bread (and bloody love it themselves too)!

  • Donna

    Good God. Some people just look for negativity. I’m happy to slap them for you.

  • Hahaha your honesty is refreshing and those sanctimonious bitches are sure to have some skeletons in their closets (probably all the vegans that didn’t make it – OMG I am going to get hung for that one – in their closets probably – I take back the vegan thing – the skeletons are probably all the people they skewered on the internet for absolutely no reason other than being snotty bitches). I eat way too many Red Rock Deli potato chips. Sometimes I will make a whole packet plus some dip an entire meal. I use too many zip loc bags too. I buy the cheap rip offs of things because I can’t afford the real things. I forget that the Kardashians are not real people (hahaha) and I am really invested in their lives. My husband is the domestic god of our home and I am the stereotypical bloke. I have long showers because I think there. And that’s not even the half of it haha.

  • Stephanie Walker

    I have a paper towel & zip lock bag addiction.
    The idea of a moon cup makes my stomach churn
    Each time I scratch my head little white bits float down & adorn my shoulders
    I love mayo & avocado & will put it with just about anything
    I always lick the knife
    Sometimes if I haven’t washed for a while instead of washing I will “free ball”
    I’ve slept on a bare mattress many times because I couldn’t find enough fucks to put sheets on before bed.
    I’ve gone out with a face full of make up. Woken up & worn the same face of make up the next day.
    I don’t like coffee but have a pod machine.
    I’m still in my pj’s with no intention of getting changed for today
    I’ve often showered & put my pj’s straight back on
    I’m addicted to cleaning out my ears with cotton tips because it feels so good.
    I sing. A lot. Anywhere.
    I drink too much Coca-Cola
    I share too many flaws at once. X

    • sue

      eargasms!
      I too am addicted to cotton buds

  • Bee

    If you don’t like it – get outta here! It is ok to disagree BUT if this blog is not YOU you won’t make it YOU by the negativity. Please move along.

  • I’m lazy and I can’t do maths.

  • Caro Webster

    Not a feminist? *gasps* x

  • Jennifer

    Ah, good! I had been feeling bad for not booking the kids into holiday activities yet!! Haha!
    I’ll post this as a guest because I know how stupid that sounds!

  • What on earth does ‘jumped the shark’ mean. I share most of those flaws and more. I am the most impatient person in the world. Truly. If there was a competition I would win, but would be so cranky at having to wait to be told I was the winner I’d leave before the winner was announced. Hurry up already everyone!

    • vanessay

      Jumping the shark refers to a long running T.V. series called Happy Days where in order to boost ratings the lead character jumped a tank full of sharks on waterskis. It is used to describe the point at which good things turn bad.

  • Am smiling cos there is a Big Bertha here too. One of my big girls in the pond and only today I had to go net fishing to collect her cos she looked poorly and I had to take her to the fish doctor. As for flaws, well I was too fucking slow to catch Bertha’s mate who also looked like she needed a seeing to, and really I am just a big sloth. Oh well. Is there such a thing as too many zip lock baggies? Really is this a ‘thing’ now? Fuck.

  • Sally Rose

    Ignore the critics, nit pickers and those perfect people who like to pull other people down. We, the faithful readers of Mrs Woog, love you because of your imperfections.

  • Miss Mon

    I love everything you have ever written ever. You are the least offensive blog I have ever come across and I always laugh thinking, I am a 32yo woman with no children and yet your day to day stuff just lifts my day with a giggle every single time. I love that Jack is just a whole new level of spirited and fabulous, I love that your husband is like a mystery man as I just can’t work out what kind of person he is and Horatio just seems to before our very eyes turn into a grown up man and I look forward to reading where the world takes him.

    Basically. Long story, long. You are amazing. Hilarious. Cause zero offence. How anyone could possibly troll you is an absolute mystery.

    Keep on keeping on legend πŸ™‚

  • Mel G

    I fucking LOVE ziplock bags!!!

  • Kathryn

    One of the things I love the most about your blog Is that you are so normal! You don’t try to make out you are perfect with a perfect home, life and wardrobe. And I love the way you are so proud of your kids. I don’t comment often, but nod and laugh a lot while I read read. As for the mooncup, I can’t think of anything more revolting. x (PS Aldi have massive bags of cliplock bags on sale from this Saturday lol)

  • Helen Wicks

    Love your blog Mrs Woog you are open and honest and share your life with us. I have some things that I am passionate about but I don’t shove them down other people’s throat and I try never to judge other people because I have no idea what is going on in their lives. Keep up the great work. I especially love your honesty about anxiety and depression etc as that is my struggle too.

  • I use a shitload of zip lock bags because I buy stuff like meat in bulk and freeze it.

  • Yvonne Duke

    So love your blog, Mrs Woog, don’t ever change 😍

  • Vicki Worgan

    I definitely use too many zip lock bags. And kitchen towel sheets. Very disorganised but love tidiness and order. Go figure.

    Keep on Wooging, you’re the best, Mrs Woog! Haters gotta hate. x