Never ask this question

I was out all day yesterday. When I left the cat was licking himself on the couch and the dog was asleep on the bed. When I came back six hours later, they were still in the exact same position.

“What the fuck have you done all day?” I asked them. And that reminded me of something I wrote back in 2013 and so I think we need to revisit it….

My personal experience with this was rather short lived. It was at a time where I had a baby, a toddler, had had no sleep for years, was lucky to shower twice a week and my idea of a good time was lying on the kitchen floor, sobbing gently while listening to talkback radio and yelling at all the fuckwits that called in to complain about muslims.

He only ever did it once, but Mr Woog sauntered in from work one day, as happy and as cheery as a clam and questioned me as to why I was still in my pyjamas, and why was the house such a pigsty.

I won’t go into what happened next, but I will tell you that watching his dinner fly out onto the backed like a super frisbee, I questioned whether I should give up the stay at home mum gig and start training for the Olympics.

To compete in the discus.

It was enough for Mr Woog to never, ever question how I spent my time again.

Nowadays, things are a little easier of course, with the kids grown up and all. I work from home, so you think I would be on top of these things, but I like to prioritise watching Ellen over tending to everyone’s filth, so it is still not ship shape around these parts.

If I have a particularly taxing day, I will just shoot my beloved a little text suggesting that I am at my fucking wits end and and if anyone would like dinner in the house then someone else better arrange it.

The scenario that Brooke suggests is played out every evening in thousands of houses all over the world. Recently I went away for 4 days and came home to find the house in a state so bad, I thought there must have been an earthquake. Mr. Woog met me at the door and held me long and tight, thanking me for coming home and telling me that I was never to leave again.

The kids walked out of the kitchen eating cold hotdogs from the fridge in their underpants, and greeted me with the same enthusiasm.

Do I think prison food is worth it? No…

But I do think that is any types of these noises and eyebrow raising “What DID you do all day…” I prescribe a few days away, maybe in a hotel with a kick ass room service menu, and leave your phone at home.

How do you deal with “So, what have you done all day?”

  • AJM

    this is why I go away for a minimum of 10 days every two years on my own and have done since my Kid was 4. He’s now 15, they have learnt to survive without me, and my husband learnt to make sure I didn’t come home to bombsite and how to put his kid before him. It was a vertical learning curve.

  • Oh, I don’t know. You don’t have to prep and cook your own food in prison haha.
    My husband has occasionally pulled that on me in the past. He got his ear chewed off so well that he knows better now. Occasionally he does this ‘looking around the house like he’s appraising it’ thing when he walks in the door after work but a death stare and a “don’t you even…” usually reminds him not to get murdered that day!

    • Mastering the art of the death stare. Well done Kez xx

    • Sesame

      Heh. My husband has never dared to ask the actual question, and yet I still feel like I’m sometimes judged. Now I’ve worked out why – he is definitely guilty of the “pointed look of appraisal” you’ve described so perfectly!!! Grrrrrrr.

  • Tracey

    My husband would never dare ask such a thing. But then again I work full time out of the home so he knows what I’ve been doing all day.

    • You have a good one there! Hang onto him Tracey xx

  • Sister

    2 kids 5 and 2, one with ASD. Off to Gwinganna for 3 nights at the end of the month. I whisper the name of the retreat softly to myself a thousand times a day.

  • That was one of the advantages of being a sole parent. No-one asked that shitful question. Sometimes when I think back to those single days of fulltime work and being Mummy and making the mortgage swing and keeping the house sorted and fixing the roof and the yard and putting the rubbish out, well sometimes I reckon I must have missed my invitation to the celebration ceremony where somebody pinned a badge on my chest. I sure as shit couldn’t be doing all that today.

    • You are a legend Sue xx

      • Nah Mrs W. Just did what was necessary and the vacuuming very often was not even close to necessary. Reckon we all do what we can.

  • Jeannie

    When our children were little, the husband of a friend of mine made the mistake of asking this question – so for the next 2 weeks she literally did nothing while their three kids ran amok… He never asked that question again!