Of penis pink nails and hardware

Some people get their nails done to fill in a part of their day, where as other people, like me, treat a pedicure like a medical appointment.


For me, this is a very big commitment. You see I use the shellac polish which means it looks great for two weeks, and then terrible as I pick pick pick away at it which you shout NEVER do as it really fucks up your nails underneath. For my pedicure I just use regular old, not talon destroying polish.

About my pedicure….. how can I put this…

I always start my visit with many apologies. You see, my toenails are a study in concrete, so hard and thick plus they grow like the clappers. Sometimes I am so overdue for hoof-trimming that they hit to top of my shoe.

“Yo Princess! Why don’t you cut them yourself….”

Well I used to be able to do it but it always ended with me doing it wrong and resulting in painful ingrown toenails. Have you ever had an infected ingrown toenail? Have you ever kicked the coffee table with said toe? Well then you would know why I have handed this task over to the professionals.

It is not an easy or enjoyable task to take on, that being my feet, but I am thoughtful in the fact that I go to the trouble of shaving my legs so the nail artist doesn’t get stubble rash. Yes, I shave my legs for them, but not for my husband or anyone else.

Now getting back to the colour choice, I usually have a look at the chick sitting next to me and get the same. But yesterday, I thought I wanted pale pink, and let them choose the colour and now I have penis pink nails.

Not that I have seen many penises…. about eight.

note to self – clean keyboard you filthy animal.You have more chances of picking up a bacterial infection on that keyboard than in the nail salon.

But back to my feet. They get a good soaking in hot bubbly water while the manicurist, a lovely chap called Neil, prepares himself. On goes the mask as he goes out the back to get the angle grinder, the belt sander and the chainsaw. It was rather exciting yesterday, because he declared that my heels didn’t require shaving HUZZAH! I smugly looked at the other women getting their heels shaved. Freaks. (Usually I am that freak and need them done and I end up leaving the salon half a foot shorter.)

I will not go into minute details because I want to grow my audience, not diminish it, but I will just leave a few words and you can piece it together.

toe jam

There, I said it. Once Neil finished his workout, I am left with shiny new trotters and a fresh outlook on life.

So you may sit there and judge me for partaking in such frivolity, but I do believe that my case is clear. Medicare rebate required.

Are you a fan of Penis Pink Nails?

Do you get yours professionally tended to?