Accidentally Ingested but did not die

Adding another interesting string to my life’s bow, my parents used to be country publicans. I know. They packed a lot into their lives. This was always one of my favourite yarns from Mum from when they owned the Tattersalls Hotel in Narrabri.

During the 1971 floods Mums’ cooking reputation came under fire after an incident that saw dozens of men’s health put at risk. The trucks were unable to pass through the town, due to the fact that all the roads were underwater, so the drivers took it upon themselves to make the most of their situation.

This particular situation centered around fermented liquids.

Because they were either bunking upstairs in the lone star accommodation my family’s hotel provided, or in the cabin of their trucks, all meals were taken at the pub.

Day three of the unplanned stranding, the truckers arrived and the lads were hungry. My grandparents had been visiting and found themselves stuck in town and on the unpaid payroll. The men filed in expecting breakfast, so Mum got cracking.

Eggs.

A dozen fellas hoovered up plates of scrambled eggs and toast and washed it down with a glass of amber liquid. Praised was heaped on the chef before another day of watching the water flow through the public bar commenced.

Later that morning, Mum gave herself a time out and along with her Dad, enjoyed a cup of tea. Mum asked her father to pass the milk, as he had done during her epic egg-whisking episode earlier. She looked concerned as the milk curdled in her tea and even more concerned when she realized that she had used cloudy ammonia floor cleaner in her much praised scrambled eggs.

She immediately walked into the public bar and demanded that all the truckers put down their schooners and drink a litre of milk, proper non-floor-cleaning milk, really quick.

This was back in the day when you did not get sued for looking at someone sideways.

I tell you this story because recently something similar occurred to me.

About a year ago I did my best to quit sugar, but I do have half a teaspoon in my morning coffee because I like to live dangerously. I could not find the sugar bowl, but I did find some in a plastic takeaway container. I hit GO on ye olde Nespressso and watched it deliver the sweet nectar that is caffeine. I stirred in my half tea-spoon of the devils cocaine, topped it with frothy milk and took a huge slurp.

It was not sweet so I stirred it again.

SLURP

Nadda. So I put in another half a teaspoon. SLURP. Nothing.

It was at that time that my son Jack wandered in and grabbed the takeaway container of sugar and walked away.

“Where are you going with the sugar?” I asked.

So it turns out that the sugar was not sugar.

If you have a primary school age child, you might be familiar with the phenomenon of making slime. Slime is made up of PVA glue, water, food colouring and borax. Borax is also known as sodium borate, sodium tetraborate, or disodium tetra borate. Powdered borax is white, consisting of soft colorless crystals that dissolve easily in water. Also dissolves in coffee.

A quick visit to Dr. Google revealed that I was unlikely to die, but it is also hardly ideal to ingest. All of a sudden, sugar didn’t seem so bad. It still wasn’t as bad as the time at a mates 21st when I took a big swig from my beer. But it wasn’t my beer. It was the ash-tray beer.

Have you ever eaten anything that you shouldn’t have?

Ever drunk Kool-Aid?

 

  • Double shot of coffee with cloudy ammonia and 2 tsp of borax to go thanks!! Must be good for the immunity. Like the ash-can beer – fell for that trick myself back in the heyday!

  • Tracey

    I think fermented orange juice is probably the worst thing I have drunk. Nasty stuff.

  • shanny

    I had a bit of a vag itch (fun, aren’t they?) last year, so whilst out and about I went to a chemist that I don’t usually frequent. I asked this kid for the “magic thrush pill” and then spent 10 minutes trying to get it through his head that I did not want the pessary version. So after awhile, he gives me a box which I think is the oral tablet; driving home, I down it, in my itchy desperation; after ripping the paper bag and box open and not looking at what I was taking. Soooooooooo when it starts to immediately foam in my stomach in an acidic way (apparently alkaline things do that) I screech up at home, run inside, desperately vomit foaming white burning shit over and over, thinking that I’m going to die…husband calls the poison hotline and the nurse assures him that it’s really common and although my oesophagus is burnt to the fuck house I will be ok….she sniggered down the phone at the sound of my heinous retching and vomiting; I KNOW she got off the phone and laughed to the other nurses “we got another pussy pill swallower!”

    • Quite possibly the best comment I have ever received. I wet my pants!

      • shanny

        So did the nurse! Cow! 😂

    • sue

      At a mothers group dinner we were discussing ‘stupid things our husbands have done’ when one mum who was proclaimed the winner told how her husband had given the 3 year old a panadol suppository orally!

    • CC

      Winning tale of discomfort – but did it get rid of the thrush?

      • shanny

        Once bitten etc etc…I procured some cream 😉

    • Donna

      I needed that laugh after a loooong day at work. Glad you and your pussy lived to tell the tale.

    • FunMumX3

      shanny, you win the internet today. well done. *tears*

  • Can’t recall any disaster stories about putting stuff in my gob that maybe shouldn’t be there…well nothing I could write here on your lovely page anyway, but as I was reading along I was reminded of the ooooze on last night’s Masterchef.

  • A fly. Because my mouth is always open, talking or eating.

    • And for that we are forever grateful for. Hope you are on the mend lovely xx

      • Bit late to reply – thank you for your lovely words! Being home is good! Doing what I am told to get better! Xx

  • Heidi D

    Apart from a fly, a bit of paper from around a takeaway steak sandwich & the occasional mouthful of milk that is quickly spat into the sink when you notice the odd taste I have somehow avoided anything too worrying

  • sheribombblog

    When I was in pre-school we did these bubble paintings. They used that liquid paint stuff and with a straw we were supposed to blow bubbles in it then press a piece of paper on top and voila – bubble painting! I’m not sure what they thought was going to happen, but I forgot to take a breath *before* I put my mouth on the straw. Cue lips to straw, suck in, choke and splutter on vile tasting blue paint. Of course all the adults freaked out. I got taken straight to the tuckshop where I got to drink a juice popper before being rushed to the doctor…who said I’d be fine.

    • Hilarious! And I totally understand that impulse xx

  • Sophie

    Dry ice…. wouldn’t recommend.

  • Mr Smags is a coeliac and used to have Sustagen on his cereal in the morning (back in his gym bunny bench pressing days!) and his dickhead brother replaced it with flour so he sprinkled gluten all over his cereal the next day. Boys are such turds.

    • I live with this type of behaviour ever day. xx

  • Oh dear! I FREAK when that sort of thing happens. I think the accidental ingestion of ANYTHING is scary for this anxiety queen! I just dodged a food poisoning bullet last weekend. All the girls had the same meal as me at the pub and were hit badly in the early hours of the next day – I was fine because I hadn’t been hungry that one time (rare)! That same night I was served vodka despite demanding something non alcoholic (it was masked by lime cordial) and drove home immediately after. When I felt it kick in I just about died – not from drink driving thank goodness – but the shock and realisation half way home almost gave me heart failure.

  • Debbie Howarth

    Years ago my parents were cooking a roast pork and used lots of rock salt for the crackling. When I arrived the smell was overly chemical in the house but they hadn’t noticed due to a gradual buildup I guess.
    Turns out my mum had actually used sugar soap used for cleaning walls that my dad had put in a tupperware container.
    No roast pork for us.

    • Another comment that is better than the post!

  • FunMumX3

    Not food, but food related – As teenagers, bro and I liked to throw dinner parties for our parents, the winner was when he filled the fondue burner with kerosene instead of spirits. Burned like a bitch and couldn’t put it out, tablecloth was smoking.

    You had one job….

    • I love it when the comments are better than the post! Thanks xx

  • Oh my gawd! I catch up with all your posts on the weekend and I am lying in bed freaking out.
    Ingesting something accidentally is a phobia of mine. I love the way Jack just walked in casually and took the jar. One of my kids ate a Yogo that had been lying at the bottom of the fridge in a hard to reach place for about 6 months once. He didn’t get sick but I was worried and made sure to clean the fridge more.