Do you stockpile anything?

It took me four attempts at it, but I am firmly entrenched in the phenomena that is The Handmaid’s Tale. I made the mistake of bingeing on four episodes in a row and it spun me out. Now, I am a little more reserved. I like to finish dinner, take a hot shower and get into my jammies. Then I gather the family together and tell them that Mummy is going to be out of action for the next hour and to please not disturb me. Only if there is blood. And not just a scratch or a little cut. I am talking about a slashed artery.

And then I get into bed with my phone and spend the next hour thinking NO FUCKING WAY!

The thing about this particular series is that it gives my already over-active brain additional fodder. It makes me question pretty much everything now.

Like, every morning Facebook will tell me the weather for my suburb and wishes me a good day. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING ME.

A few weeks ago I came across a sheet set that I liked online and as I tend to do, I hit ADD TO CART, and then abandon the cart as I have enough sheets. And every day since, I am served up that add for those sheets, reminding me of the time that I thought I needed those particular linens. I have stopped joining any loyalty programs as I was getting so much spam emails and YOU ALL KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT ME ALREADY.

Do you remember that scene in Father of the Bride?

I totally agree with George! It is all a conspiracy. And I have two case studies to prove it.

I avoid going to the supermarket as much as I avoid reading anything Miranda Divine has written, therefore I get a weekly grocery delivery from Woolies. I have master list saved, do a quick reccie of the pantry, fridge and bathroom before punching in what we require.

SALT AND PEPPER

Every time I realise that we have run out of salt, I order salt and pepper. Eventually we are left with this.

CONCLUSION – Woogs use more salt than pepper.

TAKEAWAY – I do not need to buy pepper for the next decade

SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER

Every time I realise that we have run out of shampoo, I order shampoo and conditioner. Eventually we are left with this.

CONCLUSION – Woogs uses more shampoo than conditioner.

TAKEAWAY – My family has very clean hair that is quite dry due to lack of condition.

I, myself, am conditioned to buy things in pairs, even if I do not need them. I have 3 bags of hotdogs rolls in the freezer, with only two hotdog rolls in each. Instead of using THOSE when we have hot dogs, I will buy a fresh 6 packet of hot dogs so I can freeze the spares…….

It is practices like these that means my cupboards are overloaded with the same thing. Every single fucking time I do the shopping, I buy a tin of tomatoes because if you have a tin of tomatoes in the cupboard, you will always have dinner sorted. But do I really need thirteen tins?

CONCLUSION – I must really think about what I need before I ADD TO CART.

TAKEAWAY – Google recipes that require are least TWO tins of tomatoes.

But for some strange reason, I am always having to dash up to the servo to buy over-priced toilet paper because we are always running out of the stuff. It is a conspiracy I tell you!

Do you stockpile anything?

HOMEWORK – How many tins of tomatoes do you currently own?

Handmaid’s Tale. Are you into it?