The Influenza Bonanza of 2017

Look, I had put off commentating on this particular topic because BORING but I don’t think I can anymore.

Myself, well a head cold had threatened me several times but with the help of Codral Day and Night tablets, I did what they ad told me to do and SOLDIERED ON.

Alas a member of Clan Woog has finally succumbed to the filthy cold that is doing the rounds and I have waived the white Kleenex tissues in defeat. (Before scooping them all off the floor next to the couch and flushing them down the funny, before spraying the area with Glen 20 and washing my hands in water so hot, you could boil an egg in it) These are all preventative measures to ensure that the others don’t get it, because if they do I am packing up and moving to a hotel for three weeks, which I have heard is how long this shit virus can take to ravage ones body.

This morning I was up at the chemist buying Nurofen, when I asked the lady about this particularly nasty cold. She told me in no uncertain terms that it was a pandemic. This appealed to my sense of drama almost immedialty. A pandemic is an epidemic of infectious disease that has spread through human populations across a large region! Could it really be that sinister?

I had heard through unqualified associates that the Flu Vaccine does jack shit to avoid it, and while Jack at this stage is only enjoying the high temps, coughing fits and being a human mucus manufacturing plant, I am keeping a very close eye on further developments. Before you string me up and set me on fire, I need to point out that I am totally pro-vax.

You want some stats? I WILL SHOW YOU SOME STATS BECAUSE I LIKE TO BACK UP MY NATURAL HYSTERIA WITH FACTS! The orange line represents 2017.

If you live in any of the following Sydney Suburbs, you are thriving in an INFLUENZA HOTSPOT!

  • Gosford
  • Hornsby
  • Castle Hill
  • Pymble
  • Belrose
  • Balgowlah
  • Lana Covay
  • Coogee
  • The Entire Inner West (drink for turmeric lattes immedialty)
  • Liverpool

But life must go on and unless you still have leftovers from doomsday prepping for the Year 2000 New Years Armageddon, you are going to have to walk among others. Others that are coughing and spluttering and then opening public toilet doors and sneezing into hand rails and getting on crowded buses only to spray spittle onto unsuspecting public. Seriously, one of my mates Mums goes so far as to smear anti-bacterial cream up her snow and swears by it.

Anyway, long gone are the days when you were actually dying of flu and your Mum moves the telly into your room and rubs Vicks onto your chest and hand feeds you soup. I have set up a little Glen 20 smelling Isolation Ward at Chateu Da Woog as a nod to my overreactive tendencies.

Please note that this post is no way sponsored by any of the following companies.

  • Codral
  • Kleenex
  • Glen 20
  • Nurofen
  • Vicks

But perhaps it bloody well should be.

When it comes to colds and flu this season, how did your family go?

Soldiered on, or suffered?

AND FOR HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO PISS OFF?