WAX ON

Rest in Peace Clown Eyebrows

Every few weeks I trip over my moustache. I will take a good, hard look at myself in the magnifying mirror and recoil in horror.

PEACH FUZZ, otherwise known as vellus hair, quite often will overtake my face which is totally normal for a gal of a certain age. It is only when I wear makeup that I really notice it but I notice it and it bugs me. Like most things, I like to leave stuff until crises point. My face was fluffy and my eyebrows were one so it was off for a wax for me!

I walk into the local BEAUTIFUL NAIL and request the establishments most proficient waxer. That day it happened to be a young lady called Helen. She asks me in front of a very busy salon what I could like waxed, and I told her that my eyebrows needed to be lifted and separated. Once in the safety of the wax room I confess to her that I need my sideburns, mo and beard to go as well. And I would also like the sparse brows to be darkened BUT NOT DO DARK AND NOT BLACK.

They only do black. I currently look ridiculous.

Helen takes her time mixing up her charcoal dye while I ask her whether she enjoyed her job. She was not very enthusiastic. I asked her about Brazilian waxing and she told me she did at least six a day! That is an awful lot are bare front bums walking amongst us. Once she put the tint on, she did a series of arm stretches and limbering up before my fifteen minutes of torture began!

Yes, let’s smear some super hot wax across my face and pat it gently for a few minutes. And just when my panic begins to subside…

RIP!

I may have yelled out a profanity that alerted the salon manger who rushed in to make sure that everything was ok. It was at this point that I told Helen that I had changed my mind and the other side of my face could cope with the fluffiness. Helen look perplexed. I assured her that I was ok with it. Something was lost in translation and before I knew it SMEARING HOT WAX ON THE OTHER CHEEK. Β Pat pat pat…..

RIP!

At this stage tears were welling up in my eyes but old Helen wasn’t quite done yet. Upper lip RIP and just for good measure my chin and most of my neck RIP. It was at this point that I think I passed out.

Once I came too, she RIPPED my eyebrows apart before putting a soothing lotion all over my face and then declared that we were done.

I staggered through the salon, well aware all eyes were on me. I looked like I had been vigorously slapped across the face, such was the redness. BUT there was no fluff and no my face is as smooth as a baby’s bottom. I emptied the contents of my wallet onto the desk before going to KFC and eating hot chips. While feeling my face. It was numb.

What beauty treatments to you get?

Have you got a fluffy face? My advice, make friends with it. Helen, you are a killer.

 

  • Tracey

    Hair colour (I am not ready to be completely grey even though my hair seems to think it is alread at that stage of life), leg wax, underarm wax. I am lucky not to be very hairy, also I am blonde which helps. I do get the odd vicious hair on my chin, one day it is not there and the next it is 3cm long – HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN.

  • Heidi D

    I have a peach fuzz covered face but I just leave it. I frequently get the tweezers onto a few rogue black hairs that like to pop up. After helping my mum wax once when I was a teen I will never go near it. Lets just say it was a very hot Sydney day, the wax wouldn’t set, she ended up with hot wax & a bag of frozen peas stuck to her armpit & by the time we got it off blood was involved. We were laughing so hard between her screams I’m surprised pelvic floors didn’t fail !

  • Antoinette

    I have had peachy fuzz all my life and I always loved it because it made my face very soft. The bloody hairs sprouting on my cheek, neck and moustache areas post menopause I love a little less, so I have tweezer sessions regularly to keep those in check. But waxing? Anywhere? Hells to the no!!!!! I’d rather visit the dentist!

  • Maz

    Go and get your face lasered. Pain free and permanent!

  • Woogster, as a fellow blogger, I generally love to read your stuff and I find it entertaining. But then you write one every now and then, that I as a man can’t get through. That was one.

    Very well written as usual, but a tough topic for a man to really get into.

    • Wax your back, sack and crack and then let’s talk.

  • Fucking OUCH

  • Noelene

    I have started laser for my lip ,chin much better than the wax I used to do .

    • Yeah my hair is not suitable for Laser “weeps”

  • Francine

    Your’s goes numb??? Omg! You are soooo lucky!!! Mine burns and stays red for hours. Lucky me, my SIL is a beautician, so I go to my brother’s house, he teases me about my Mo (which is more than he can grow lol) and then his girlfriend waxes it all off πŸ™‚ I get to have a glass of wine before I try and face the public πŸ™‚

    • I had half a Valium before I went. Did jack shit!

  • Sue Weppner

    I haven’t tried waxing apart from a few sparse hairs on my ( overplucked from teens) eyebrows, but a friend has had her facial fuzz threaded. She said it was better than waxing ,laser and didn’t grow back.
    Has anyone tried this ? I am not sure if it is painful or not but may be a better alternative to the cruel waxing!