Teenaged Boys and their toys

When I was thirteen, I really wanted a pair of glittery jelly shoes so I could be just like everyone else. My request was DENIED because it was an object of desire rather that an object of practicality and instead I got a pair of practical, sturdy sandals. Sturdy does not always equate to attractive and I was jealous of all my jelly wearing counterparts.

Now I am the mother of a thirteen year old myself, I can totally see where my Mum was coming from. Basically I earn money. Money that pays bills and lessons and food and sensible sturdy shoes. And much like me watching Madonna get about in jelly shoes, Horatio admires someone called LIL YACHTY. “He’s a good man Mum!”


Sensibly originally named Miles Parks McCollum back in 1997, the twenty year old rapper hails originally from Georgia and Horatio tells me that he has 40 million dollars worth of gold teeth. Apparently to be a bazillionare rapper you need to have the work LIL before another name. Here are a few examples.

  • Lil B, American rapper
  • Lil’B, Japanese pop duo
  • Lil Bitts, Trinidadian musician
  • Lil’ Boosie, American rapper
  • Lil’ Bow Wow (today only Bow Wow), American rapper and actor
  • Lil’ Brotha, American rapper
  • Lil Bruce, American rapper
  • Lil’ C, American dancer
  • Lil’ C-Note, American actor and rapper
  • Lil’ Cease, American rapper
  • Lil’ Chris, British pop singer
  • Lil Dicky, American rapper and comedian
  • Lil Durk, American rapper
  • Lil Duval, American comedian
  • Lil E, American rapper
  • Lil’ Ed Williams, American musician
  • Lil’ Eddie, American singer
  • Lil’ Fame, American rapper
  • Lil’ Flip, American rapper
  • Lil’ Fizz, American rapper and actor
  • Lil iROCC Williams, American rapper
  • Lil Italy, American rapper
  • Lil’ J, American rapper
  • Lil’ JJ, American actor
  • Lil Jon, American rapper and music producer
  • Lil’ Keke, American rapper
  • Lil’ Kim, American rapper
  • Lil’ Louis, American musician
  • Lil’ Malik (now known as Mr. Malik), American rapper
  • Lil’ Mama, American rapper
  • Lil’ Mo, American singer
  • Lil’ Mo’ Yin Yang, American house duo
  • Lil’ Nation, American rapper
  • Lil’ O, American rapper
  • Lil’ P-Nut, American rapper
  • Lil Pappie, Canadian rapper
  • Lil Phat, American rapper
  • Lil Peep, American rapper
  • Lil Reese, American rapper
  • Lil’ Rev, American musician
  • Lil Ric, American rapper
  • Lil Rob, American rapper
  • Lil’ Romeo (now known simply as “Romeo”), American actor and rapper
  • Lil’ Ronnie, American music producer
  • Lil Rounds, a contestant on Season 8 of American Idol
  • Lil Ru, American rapper
  • Lil’ Scrappy, American rapper
  • Lil’ Son Jackson, American musician
  • Lil Suzy, American singer
  • Lil’ T, Danish rapper and singer
  • Lil’ Troy, American rapper
  • Lil Tuffy, American artist
  • Lil Ugly Mane, American rapper and producer
  • Lil Uzi Vert, American rapper
  • Lil Wayne, American rapper
  • Lil Weavah, American actor
  • Lil’ Wil, American actor
  • Lil’ Wyte, American rapper
  • Lil’ Yachty, American rapper
  • Lil’ Zane, American rapper and dancer

Lil Phat was one that stood out because LIL PHAT makes no sense whatsoever to me. Was he lil, or was he phat? So I did a little research only to find out Lil Phat was not really either, nor was he walking the planet making music anymore. At the age of 19, he was gunned down outside of a hospital in Georgia while he awaited the birth of his baby girl.

But that is enough about rappers as they frighten me a lil bit, but what has this all got to do with shoes?

Horatio’s homeboy likes to wear a Gucci Slide…

Horatio dragged me into one of those intimidating shoe stores which blare rap music until the walls shake. In this store, the groovy fellas behind the counter sells over priced plastic shoes to white privileged teenaged boys of the North Shore so they can have a bit more “swagger.” Horatio picked out the most hideous of all that were on offer and looked at me with those big brown doe eyes, pleading with me to depart with my cash.

“No freaking way….” I said to him.

One of the servers told me that he has that exact same pair.

“Do you have a girlfriend? I asked him.

He told me that he did, but she had come onto the scene before his slides came into action. He admitted that his love LOATHES them as well. So after some negation and a handshake that Horatio would pay me back AS SOON AS HE GOT HOME, I handed over my credit card and shuddered. The only comfort was that I am looking at it as a bit of an insurance policy as they will repel any potential teenage girl suitors.

And yes, he wears them with socks.

When you were thirteen, who did you think was the epitome of cool?

Have you allowed these hideous shoes to darken your doorstep?