Teenaged Boys and their toys

When I was thirteen, I really wanted a pair of glittery jelly shoes so I could be just like everyone else. My request was DENIED because it was an object of desire rather that an object of practicality and instead I got a pair of practical, sturdy sandals. Sturdy does not always equate to attractive and I was jealous of all my jelly wearing counterparts.

Now I am the mother of a thirteen year old myself, I can totally see where my Mum was coming from. Basically I earn money. Money that pays bills and lessons and food and sensible sturdy shoes. And much like me watching Madonna get about in jelly shoes, Horatio admires someone called LIL YACHTY. “He’s a good man Mum!”


Sensibly originally named Miles Parks McCollum back in 1997, the twenty year old rapper hails originally from Georgia and Horatio tells me that he has 40 million dollars worth of gold teeth. Apparently to be a bazillionare rapper you need to have the work LIL before another name. Here are a few examples.

  • Lil B, American rapper
  • Lil’B, Japanese pop duo
  • Lil Bitts, Trinidadian musician
  • Lil’ Boosie, American rapper
  • Lil’ Bow Wow (today only Bow Wow), American rapper and actor
  • Lil’ Brotha, American rapper
  • Lil Bruce, American rapper
  • Lil’ C, American dancer
  • Lil’ C-Note, American actor and rapper
  • Lil’ Cease, American rapper
  • Lil’ Chris, British pop singer
  • Lil Dicky, American rapper and comedian
  • Lil Durk, American rapper
  • Lil Duval, American comedian
  • Lil E, American rapper
  • Lil’ Ed Williams, American musician
  • Lil’ Eddie, American singer
  • Lil’ Fame, American rapper
  • Lil’ Flip, American rapper
  • Lil’ Fizz, American rapper and actor
  • Lil iROCC Williams, American rapper
  • Lil Italy, American rapper
  • Lil’ J, American rapper
  • Lil’ JJ, American actor
  • Lil Jon, American rapper and music producer
  • Lil’ Keke, American rapper
  • Lil’ Kim, American rapper
  • Lil’ Louis, American musician
  • Lil’ Malik (now known as Mr. Malik), American rapper
  • Lil’ Mama, American rapper
  • Lil’ Mo, American singer
  • Lil’ Mo’ Yin Yang, American house duo
  • Lil’ Nation, American rapper
  • Lil’ O, American rapper
  • Lil’ P-Nut, American rapper
  • Lil Pappie, Canadian rapper
  • Lil Phat, American rapper
  • Lil Peep, American rapper
  • Lil Reese, American rapper
  • Lil’ Rev, American musician
  • Lil Ric, American rapper
  • Lil Rob, American rapper
  • Lil’ Romeo (now known simply as “Romeo”), American actor and rapper
  • Lil’ Ronnie, American music producer
  • Lil Rounds, a contestant on Season 8 of American Idol
  • Lil Ru, American rapper
  • Lil’ Scrappy, American rapper
  • Lil’ Son Jackson, American musician
  • Lil Suzy, American singer
  • Lil’ T, Danish rapper and singer
  • Lil’ Troy, American rapper
  • Lil Tuffy, American artist
  • Lil Ugly Mane, American rapper and producer
  • Lil Uzi Vert, American rapper
  • Lil Wayne, American rapper
  • Lil Weavah, American actor
  • Lil’ Wil, American actor
  • Lil’ Wyte, American rapper
  • Lil’ Yachty, American rapper
  • Lil’ Zane, American rapper and dancer

Lil Phat was one that stood out because LIL PHAT makes no sense whatsoever to me. Was he lil, or was he phat? So I did a little research only to find out Lil Phat was not really either, nor was he walking the planet making music anymore. At the age of 19, he was gunned down outside of a hospital in Georgia while he awaited the birth of his baby girl.

But that is enough about rappers as they frighten me a lil bit, but what has this all got to do with shoes?

Horatio’s homeboy likes to wear a Gucci Slide…

Horatio dragged me into one of those intimidating shoe stores which blare rap music until the walls shake. In this store, the groovy fellas behind the counter sells over priced plastic shoes to white privileged teenaged boys of the North Shore so they can have a bit more “swagger.” Horatio picked out the most hideous of all that were on offer and looked at me with those big brown doe eyes, pleading with me to depart with my cash.

“No freaking way….” I said to him.

One of the servers told me that he has that exact same pair.

“Do you have a girlfriend? I asked him.

He told me that he did, but she had come onto the scene before his slides came into action. He admitted that his love LOATHES them as well. So after some negation and a handshake that Horatio would pay me back AS SOON AS HE GOT HOME, I handed over my credit card and shuddered. The only comfort was that I am looking at it as a bit of an insurance policy as they will repel any potential teenage girl suitors.

And yes, he wears them with socks.

When you were thirteen, who did you think was the epitome of cool?

Have you allowed these hideous shoes to darken your doorstep?


  • Oh they are truly hideous. Just an ankle turn waiting to happen especially with socks. When I was 13 I wanted a pair of multi coloured platform rubber thongs. I had to work all summer to get ’em, but get ’em I did. Good to see that teens are still doing their job in the hideous stakes. I will keep an eye out for the Grandie’s request.

  • Anouschka

    My 13 year daughter has black Nike ones. I refused to buy them so she paid for them herself and she also wants to wear them with socks!! I was out shopping last weekend and there were kids everywhere wearing the ugly things!!!
    Oh and I too wanted jelly shoes but my mum wouldn’t buy them for me either.

  • Kate

    When I was 13, all I needed in the world was a Lindy Lane rara skirt and sleeveless mock turtleneck top from Myer Miss Shop. Or the cheaper version from Cherry Lane would have been FINE. Toni Chipson (not her real name) was wearing such an outfit when I arrived at my first year 8 social (in shock at all the cool people), and as soon as I saw it, I knew that was all needed to make my life complete.

  • Hahaha these make me think of Rob Kardashian and friends – eek! But I also remember being young and convincing my parents when to pick their battles. My mum allowed a gross Korn band shirt and baggy, fluoro parachute pants, in the good faith that I would wait until I was over 16 (her magical age for everything I wanted to do younger) before dying my hair blue or getting an eye brow ring!

  • Janelle Spear

    Ha, we have 3 pair of slides in this house. Two Nike ones and red Adidas pair. My 17yr wears them with socks to and I had to walk with him around Coolum last week. I told him it looked ridiculous but he didn’t give a crap. Even my 14yr son who wears them without socks told him they looked stupid. God only knows what the next trend will be.

  • Heidi D

    Back in the olden days when I was 13 I was the biggest dag. I wouldn’t have known an “on trend” clothing choice if I fell over it. I didn’t start to worry about having the right clothes until I was about 14/15 & going to the blue light discos with my friends. We would decide what we were going to wear beforehand & many a Saturday morning saw me at Pink Ink with my mum looking for an appropriate fluro accessory. Mum was pretty generous with my disco needs but always seemed to get it just slightly wrong. I never forget when I told her we were all going to wear a tartan skirt. I came home from school to find not the tartan mini I was dreaming of but a calf length tartan skirt with box pleats.

  • Mumbos

    You was robbed Mrs W! Mine bought his at Payless Shoes in Port Macquarie, then bought them home and “pimped” them up with electrical tape. He’s going to be single forever. #megadag

  • Sally

    I will raise you the Rhianna Fenty slides in aqua. They look like little fluffy aqua pets on your feet… 13 year old girls.

  • CC

    I hate the fact that I am obviously so old that I find these hideous.

  • mrshanksy

    I completely agree but have to confess I wore my daughters slides to my soccer game last night because A: I can’t drive in studs and B: game was at 8:15pm and I couldn’t be arsed putting on shin pads and socks once I got there and I figured Havianas with socks was worse then the slide scenario. I am sorry – my daughter was horrified cos of course, on her, they look cool but I was just a middle aged bogan soccer mum – i get it but couldn’t have given a rats! And no, I have no idea why I agreed to play soccer of a night time! Eek..

  • GAH, these are the only open shoes one of my kids will wear because they hate thongs. I HATE SLIDE ON SHOES. But I have caved because it’s either that or smelly sneakers on 37C days

  • Bee

    Love it Mrs W. If only my 15 year old was interested in such frivolity. He is a bit serious. I remember loving my Treads when I was that age. I remember going to the local tread factory where they made these amazing footwear out of recycled tyres and suede strips. so cool.It was hard to work out the coolest colour combo. I also remember loving embroidered jeans shudder

  • Noelene

    I desperately want jeans with Levi on them not jeans the mum dressmaker made.I had to save and wait till they went on big trip to Northen Territory to go to the store and buy them.Oh my god I remember that day as if it was yesterday.I was 13 now 52 and I have a boy who wears slides too .I think they make him happy too.

  • mummamoo

    my 7 (SEVEN) year old wants Yeezy’s. 230 faarking dolars. Nope. He can’t even manage to not lose socks.
    10 year old wants a pair of “dress” boots. As in leather elastic sided work boots, but to keep clean for going out.
    I wanted Nike high top sneakers. Got budget version which had floral accents. NOT right.