Best Pissing Practices

Drain the main vein.

Syphon the python to keep the bladder gladder

Having a piss

Making a wee

Whatever you call it, I know a lot more about it today than I did yesterday. This is because our usual Huffy Puffy class was taken by a physio where we talked all things pelvic floor! Did you know that one in three women experience “leakage” on an everyday basis? I am not ashamed to say that I have been known to cross my legs when I sneeze. So I thought, let’s start a discussion on this urinely revelation!

Your bladder is designed to hold up to two cups of wee and is normally emptied between 4 – 8 times a day. A little thing called a SPHINCTER (giggles like an idiot) is the circular muscle that closes tightly, keeping the wee inside you. But then you go and get yourself knocked up and carry a couple of KG’s around which puts downwards pressure on the disco pelvic floor and truly fucks up your urinary SPHINCTER (giggles like an idiot).

Now ideally you will hang a slash when you are packing a full bladder and best practices indicate then you do not FORCE the wee out, but let it naturally “drain”.

Just this week gone I was at a big event and really needed to hang a slash. The lady’s line was several metres long and I knew that the situation was grim. So I took a deep breathe, put my eyes to the floor before flinging open the mens latrine doors and making a bee line for the stalls. WHY DON’T PLACES MAKE MORE DUNNIES FOR CHICKS?

You must make sure that your bladder is fully emptied because leftover piss leaves you susceptible to bladder infections and/or urinary tract infections. Other things that can infect your plumbing is wiping. all I am going to say is never cross infect your SPHINCTERS, of which you have three. (This means holes, bum, vag and piss hole if you are unsure.)

For those of you who are still reading, thank you.

Physio told us more about best pissing practices. Never GO just in case. Practice shutting off the valve mid stream on occasion. Completely, like not one stray drop! Drink a fuck tonne of water to flush out your pipes, the paler the piss the better!

And after this lessons, we got a clenching. We were taught to SQUEEZE out pelvic floor 8 times for five seconds each followed by five BLAST clenches just for shits and giggles. Go on, do it now. I am off to make a cuppa…..

It can actually be quite taxing but gets easier if done daily and will help you not accidentally piss your pants when you laugh. Like any muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets.

Incontinence is actually a serious social and economic issue in our country, costing 23.8 billion dollars in loss of productivity, medical and care. Some women suffer so badly that they do not leave their home because of the anxiety that it can cause. So clench away my friends!

Oh, and it is also VERY unwise to share a bottle of Vodka with three girlfriends before deciding to go for a jump on the trampoline, or so I have heard…….

How often do you take a tinkle?

And did you learn something from todays lesson?

 

 

 

  • Donna

    I often sit in a meeting and wonder if anyone else is doing their pelvic floor exercises. Should there be a secret sign for us clenchers???

  • Just to add something controversial. My uncle who was a urologist always advised patients with incontinence to see a urologist rather than a gynæcologist for bladder neck repairs. I don’t want to upset obstetricians and gynæcologists, but I’ve always held my Uncle’s medical advice in high regard. In my medical career, anecdotally, I’ve always felt his advice to be reasonable (but that could just be confirmation bias on my part).

  • Bee

    too often and yes!

  • Trish Maguire

    Birthed four babies (smallest 8lb 4oz largest just on 9lb) no problems in that department. However, developed vaginal prolapse in my late 60s – big problems when I wanted to “go”! Underwent hysterectomy just before I turned 70. Still practice those exercises on a daily basis!

  • Heidi D

    I have never been pregnant but I always cross my legs to cough, sneeze or laugh. I wonder if it has anything to do with my Nan insisting on a just in case wee. I still can’t leave my house without going just in case even if I have been 5 minutes before, it’s like I can still hear Nan saying “but you have to try !”
    I took in a sample to drop off with the pathology place last week & when I said I had a sample she asked if it was a “wee wee”, the last person to talk about wee wee’s was probably my Nan