Not so dynamic

Difficult working conditions here at Casa Da Woog this week as Mr. Woog spent the weekend tending to his beloved garden. With Spring upon us he has been going heavy handed on the fertiliser and may I just say that my eyes have been watering ever since. I have a very weak stomach and a very sensitive demeanour when it comes to unpleasant smells. (Which certainly makes life interesting when I share one toilet with three males.)

Now, riddle me this. Why is it called Dynamic Lifter?

To me, that name conjures up a few potential things. Perhaps it is that superstar at the gym who can dead lift 200kgs. Or perhaps it is a magical pill that you can pop when you are feeling blue? Or it could be used to describe a determined person who is not going to make two trips from the car with the weekly grocery shop. Any of these things, but not pellets that smell like the devils’ rectum.

Dynamic Lifter is made from composed chicken shit and I also suspect it contains fermented fish guts and rotted durian. I like to work with the front door open. This is the current scenario.

Apologies to Smaggle and my other OCD readers. I really should have shut that top drawer.

Every so often the wind will pick up and the scent of Dynamic Lifter will fill the house. Yesterday it was so strong that I had to actually go and hang out at the neighbours place for respite. Other smells that offensive to me include, but are not restricted to, the following.

FLOWER WATER

You know when you have fresh flowers in the house, and after a while they die and you think to yourself “I really should chuck those dead flowers out…”  but then you don’t? Well, each day you leave them, you are creating an ecosystem in the vase that when you eventually do throw them out, results in revolting, pongy, slimy flower water. THIS.

EGGS

The smell of boiled eggs makes me weep, and so when I do canteen duty the manager has to give me a lot of warning so I can go outside and take in huge gulps of fresh air. Please tell me that I am not the only one!

BELLY BUTTONS

Ok, you can all do this right now, whether you are reading at work, or at home or on the bus. Stick your finger in your belly button right now and dig about a bit. Now sniff it. Now vomit. Aren’t you glad I let you know about that little fest trap?

But I suppose I should not complain. I used to live near a mushroom composting factory and MAN could that place pump out the pong!

I am going to be contacting Yates with a few suggestions of a name change of this product.

Have you got any ideas?

  • Amy

    I don’t much like the smell of dynamic lifter but I have not issue with boiled eggs and am rather fond of the smell of belly button gunk (although it is embarrassing to admit to knowing this!)

    • I AM SO GLAD YOU SAID THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT BELLY BUTTON GUNK! I was starting to think I was the only freak xx

  • Heidi D

    my husband has a mutant belly button. It is half a finger length deep ! I will not be digging & sniffing ! I start to heave if I open the potato box & smell squishy potato. My Dad has been very generous with the dynamic lifter on the vegetable patches just outside our windows

  • This year I’ve gone with cow poop instead of chicken and it doesn’t smell nearly as bad. Just a mild farm-like whiff. Dynamic Lifter makes my eyes water too.

  • Bee

    Apologies to Smaggle and my other OCD readers. I really should have shut that top drawer. hahaha and straightened the mirror!

  • Bee

    toes and septic tanks

  • Kel

    Dear Mrs Woog, let me tell you of the battle that has taken place here over the weekend. On Saturday, beloved opened my car boot to get my hat as we were working in the garden. And she discovered that the 1.2 litre bottle of seaweed concentrate (Seasol) that we had purchased had a dodgey lid. So dodgey in fact that it has emptied the entirety of its contents into my boot. And my back seats. And every single nook, cranny and crevice in between. Have you any idea how badly that stuff smells? Yes? Now multiply it. I have been leaving my car unlocked in the hopes that someone will steal it. But nobody has. We have been leaving windows open a crack when we are out to help with the stench, and I saw a couple do a double take and sniff as they walked past my car. I am officially driving the Seinfeld car.

  • Audrey Thomas

    Flower water. A thousand times YES! Dry retching at the thought of it. My husband/gardener has been a bit slack this year so the dynamic lifter is still in hibernation in the garage – hopefully he’ll forget 😉

  • katerina

    WOT A BUNCH ‘O WOOSIES !!! I love the aroma’s of all the above !! LOL xxx