Are you firing on all cylinders?

Every morning I get up, I read the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I shave. – George Burns

The other day I was on the phone to my Mum when we started talking about certain dates. Naturally I started looking for my phone to check the dates and it took me some time to realise that it was in my hand, being used as an actual telephonical device. And I know for a FACT that I am not the only person who searches for their sunglasses, while they are actually on ones head.

Ever walked into a room only to stand there, like a slack jawed yokel, wondering what the fuck you went in there for? Can you remember the colour of your kindergarten teachers eyes, but cannot recall what you had for dinner last night?


Recently I was in a shopping centre waiting in the line to use the ATM machine. The gentleman in front of me withdrew his cash and walked off, leaving his card in the machine. I grabbed it and ran after him to give it back. He was a bit embarrassed, but I told him that it was ok, because I did shit like that all the time.

It also reminded for of the two times that Mr. Woog made a “social lucky dip” donation. This is where he went to withdraw money, took his card and left he cash there, hanging there, for the next lucky person to discover. Twice. TWICE!

I often quite like to, say, go to the butchers and order a kilo of mince. I make the fiscal transaction before returning to my car. As dinner time approaches, I search for said mince only to realise that I had left it back at the shop. Turns out, your 40’s is when you start to get a little bit of “brain fog” and it is totally normal. Ideally, you will spend some time in a headstand which increased blood to your brain, but in my case it would also probably result in me ending up in the emergency ward.

Being positive is also helpful for retaining data. Smile I say! It is also suggested to munch on superfoods. I say a zinger burger from The Dirty Bird is pretty super, but it is suggested to ditch it in favour of things like fish, nuts and seeds and other shit that you find in the health food isle. Oh, and eat beetroot and avocados! Also, while you eat the avocado, do deep breathing and relaxing stiff, like patting your dog or going for a swim.

So basically, reverse everything that you are probably doing so in twenty years time, you will remember your own name.

When is the last time you misplaced something?

Are you confident that you are firing on all cylinders?

  • Lisa

    My daily life is full of surprises, due to the number of events and tasks I seem to be forgetting these days!

  • Chemo brain sees me far too often standing like some gormless fool, mouth open, eyes unfocused, while I try to remember the last half of a word I have already spoken at least the first bit of. If I remember the mince, that’s the cause of champers style celebration. Look out walls foot print smears are coming, or maybe as an interim I could do a Mork and just sit on my head? What was I saying?

    • CFrance

      You’re lucky… I had chemo 11 years ago, and I can’t remember the first half of the word to begin with!

  • Heidi D

    my memory is terrible. I write everything in my diary & on the calendar & still manage to miss things. I forget stuff every day. Yesterday I looked everywhere for my glasses, they were on my face , somehow the fact that I could actually see wasn’t a clue ! I blame the fact that in 2012 I had a neurosurgeon tinkering around in my head & that plus the pressure from the abscess he was removing messed with my memory, which wasn’t great to begin with. I spend my day starting sentences with .. can you please remind me to …..

    • I cannot even remember writing this post!

    • TheEMM

      I find myself saying to my kiddies “if you remember can you remind me on Monday…” which you guessed it means no-one ever thinks of it again!

  • Antoinette

    Thanks for this post, mrs Woog! This is me on so many levels. The other day I was doing the slack jawed thing in the kitchen and started to worry that I might be descending into old age and dementia, until I remembered I’ve been doing this for decades! And now I know I’m not alone! The other day hubs gave me $200 dollars to go shopping with (for him) and then I couldn’t find it and thought I lost it. After quietly mourning the money for a day, I found it in the back pocket of the pants I was wearing the day before!

    • I love finding lost money! Like winning the lottery x

  • Ha!!! Add up my age, chronic pain, and three medications I have to take that include ‘brain fog’ (believe me, this is a very real thing…) on their potential side effects list, and well, I’m screwed… The only person I see regularly to whom I don’t have to explain is a friend who also has a chronic illness who takes similar meds… We spend many moments staring at each other, one of us having totally lost track of the topic of conversation mid sentence… And yes, forgotten shopping, that walk into the room, what day it is, etc… GAH!

  • Emma

    I went to the gym on Saturday morning intending to get my reward coffee afterwards…. couldn’t find my purse anywhere, turns out I had left it at work…

  • I don’t think it’s all that much to do with age. My teenagers lose things ALL the time. At a LITTLE over 40, I am doing much better at remembering where I left my shit than they are.

    • Oh they are useless full stop!

  • CFrance

    My favorite story to tell on myself (from when in my forties). Picking up kid from some practice or other, having to get him to some other practice, and supply him with dinner in between. So before getting kid, I pull up to the order window of McDonalds (you call Mackies, or some such?), order & pay, then race right past the pickup window to go get kid.

    • I would never forget a cheeseburger! Funny story xx

  • I not firing on all cylinders by any stretch, in fact think I must have left my cylinders somewhere by mistake – possibly the labour ward after child number 4 was born or possibly in the same elusive safe place I seem to have left my keys. If i’m honest I can’t blame age, my memory has always been cactus – yes hubby & the kids get exasperated but it’s not all bad,at least I can watch the same movie 10 times over and still be surprised by the twist!

  • I cannot for the life of me find a set of sheets I bought only six months ago. Sheets! How do you misplace them? And I live in a small one-bedroom apartment so there’s not that many places to ‘misplace’ things. Still searching.