Some bad news

After a rather overwhelming response to yesterday’s post about WHEN HORMONES COLLIDE, I thought today I would dig a little deeper as to why a “few” of us are not quite feeling ourselves.

Please note, there are actually two Dr. Woogs in this country, and I am not one of them. So all information should be taken with a grain of rare Korean oyster salt.

So sit back with a soothing cup of dandelion tea, put on a soundtrack of whales calling out to each other in a far away ocean and relax. As we learn a little something about a little something called cortisol.

“Hello Cortisol! aren’t you a cute little thing, come here…. there’s a good boy….”

So you have it floating around in your body but it is important to try and keep it’s levels in check otherwise too much of it and you will all be like…

“Holy shit! We are all DOOMED! I just doctor googles my dry patch of skin and now I have non-hodgkin lymphoma!” pant pant pant “Why is that suspicious car been parked outside my house for two weeks now? Should I be aware AND alarmed? Why did that person look at me funny? Why did I say that stupid thing in front of all those people in the elevator about a fart? What did that shop assistant mean when she told be she had that pair of jeans in the bigger size if I needed them. I swear to god the next person who leaves drops of piss on the toilet seat, Imma gonna make them drink it up with a straw….”

I listened to a podcast yesterday, specifically dealing with cortisol, and it made me truly sad. Not stressed, ironically, but just sad. Because the guru behind The Anxiety Coaches Podcast, Gina Ryan told me some stuff that I didn’t want to hear. Cortisol rises in your body because of stress. But that is not the only thing….

(Please go and get yourself a box of tissues)

She talks about controlling the things you can, and let go of the things that you cannot. This is not new news, but a good one to be reminded of every now and again.

Mrs Ryan told me not to drink caffeine. The thing is you wake up and amp yourself with a couple of cups of coffee before you can begin your day. Enter more cortisol. (WAILS) I also have a can of Diet Coke everyday RAMPING IT UP AGAIN (Falls onto the floor and curls up into the foetal position) and that 3pm Kit Kat? It needs to go….


So you hock yourself up on caffeine all day and then what do we do to to unwind at the end of the day? We reward ourselves with a glass or two of wine. Oh, thats relaxing…

But the saddist relaxing guru says Nuh-Huh Girlfriend. Not so much Nuh-huh but just watch it.

I know that a lot of you have now stopped reading, because this is the most bloody depressing thing that you have read since seeing that big ruffled sleeves are back in the shops. She suggests that we find another way to relax, but Mr. Woog still hasn’t put up my punching bag yet.

Then she says something about insulin which raises cortisol which I was clueless about. Then she mentioned carbs and sugars. At this point I threw my phone across the room in disgust. Talk about the fun police! Way to take away a gals favourite things in one 30 minute podcast.

I then returned to listening and she said some lovely things about carbs, and how they kind of give you a warm hug from the inside, so I started liking her again, but then she came in and kicked my in my carb filled guts as she started saying that it gets converted to insulin and then that raises the cortisol. She goes onto make some really sensible points about eating, which I will not bore you with here, because all I really want to do is eat a croissant and wash it down with a cappuccino.

Find out more about the evil and excellent Gina Ryan and her Anxiety Coaches Podcast here. 

I DID learn something but I am also of the old school of thought that you only live once. So I have cut back my caffeine, my alcohol intake and my sugar. But you are going to have to wrench the baguette from my cold dead hands, because without bread, I have nothing.

Tell me the truth. How much coffee do you drink a day?

Is de-caf coffee really shit?