Missing : One Christmas Spirit

Yesterday I was living my regular, glamorous life aka folding the washing. I had the television on because it was Ellen’s Christmas Special where she gives away a fuck tonne of things to a thousand squealing woman. It went a bit like this….

Ellen : “Ear-o-Wax care about your hearing health and they know, at Christmas time, you tend to listen more than normal. People yelling at you in car parks. Christmas Carollers at your door. Family fisticuffs and verbal abuse over the turkey. Your poor ears can take a pounding! So, EVERYONE GETS A BOX OF ORGANIC COTTON EAR BUDS!!!”

Audience : Screams and cries. Grabs complete strangers in disbelief. Falls to their knees and gives thanks to Jesus.

It was a fascinating example of human behaviour. Of course it made a little more sense when they started giving out flat screen TVs, but it was entertaining viewing all the same.

But it was the ads played in between the hysteria that interested me. All the companies advertising were insisting that we needed to “order now for guaranteed delivery for Christmas!”. There was a sense of complete urgency that our Christmas Day was going to be a great failure and a great embarrassment if we didn’t have that new lounge suite in situ, or a new blow up mattress that can withstand the weight of a four wheel drive vehicle.

Lucy Van Pelt said it best.

“Look, Charlie, let’s face it,” she barked in “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” “We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.”

In Australia, we spend ten billion dollars on Christmas gifts. Thats just the gifts. That is not the food, or booze or tinsel and shit. For us Mums, Christmas can be a great time of stress, as you rush around madly pushing trolleys in K-Mart buying fake snow so that you can create memories for your kids and so your in-laws can praise your domestic capableness. (Although not mine. We go to a Chinese Restaurant on Christmas Eve and do Secret Santa. There are zero expectations. Praise be.)

But cruising the internet as one tends to do, it is amazing how much effort people put in for just a 24 hour period. There are dozens of Pinterest boards dedicated to Christmas Day Outfits!

When things irrationally annoy me, I have learnt not to roll my eyes anymore, but to look inwards at my own behaviour. Is it because my Christmas Decorations consist of sprayed strands of macaroni that the kids made during their wonder years at daycare? Is it because this year, I am considering not bothering even getting a Christmas tree? Is it because the thing I am looking forward to most is eating Mums’ famous ham and legitimately be able to drink champagne at 8.30am?


How can I get it back?