Happy Hormones?

Ok so you know how last week I wrote about WHEN HORMONES COLLIDE and then followed it up with another sad post called SOME BAD NEWS where a relaxation guru told us to shun caffeine, booze and carbs and I got fully on board.

FOR ONE DAY. Because life is short and I am a super cranky cow without coffee and Diet Coke. I kind of felt that I had nothing left to live for.

But then, a whole heap of you told me about the merits of a supplement called Happy Hormones. And so I figured that if I was going to chug-a-lug caffeine then I could undo my evil work by popping a magical pill! HUZZAH! So being the lemming I am, I jumped on the Internet and ordered said Happy Hormones and was dead pleased with myself and my future happy self.

A few days later, my Happy Hormones turned up and again, I patted myself on the back for giving myself some self love. And then I realised that it was not a pill, but a powder that I needed to mix with water and drink. I carefully unscrewed the lid and stuck my nose into the container and took in a big whiff.

Once I came too, I realised that I had made a big mistake. There was no way that I could consume this evil smelling miracle in a jar. I put the lid back on it and left it on the shelf in the kitchen along with all the other miracle stuff that I believed would make me a better person.

When Mr. Woog came home from work, he spied the Happy Hormones on the shelf and was elated!

“Have you taken your Happy Hormones?” He asked hopefully, thinking that by taking it his wife would return to some sort of even temperament.

“Nup. It smells like ass….” I told him. He suggested that I hold my nose and go for it and I suggested that he go and make love to himself.

This scenario was repeated each evening for a while until I made him smell it.

“But it cost fifty bucks!” He wailed “TAKE YOUR HAPPY HORMONES!”

“I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE MY FUCKING HAPPY HORMONES!” I said in a slightly hysterical tone.

And so it sits, gathering dust and mocking me as I pass. So much hope, so much promise, so much smelly. Fuck you Happy Hormones and your daily email telling me that you will work better if I sign up for your yoga classes and you will work better if I order other stuff from your website. GET IN A PILL AND I MIGHT BELIEVE YOU!

But enough about me…

Are you happy?

PS It might work. I want it to work. I just cannot drink it.